Saturday, October 01, 2005

Who's On First?

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . . .

ABBOTT Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO Thanks.I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm
thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT Mac?

COSTELLO No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT Your computer?

COSTELLO I don't own a computer.I want to buy one.

ABBOTT Mac?

COSTELLO I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT What about Windows?

COSTELLO Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?

ABBOTT Wallpaper.

COSTELLO Never mind the windows.I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT Software for Windows?

COSTELLO No. On the computer!I need something I can use to write
proposals,track expenses and run my business. What have
you got?

ABBOTT Office.

COSTELLO Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT I just did.

COSTELLO You just did what?

ABBOTT Recommend something.

COSTELLO You recommended something?

ABBOTT Yes.

COSTELLO For my office?

ABBOTT Yes.

COSTELLO OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT Office.

COSTELLO Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say
I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.
What do I need?

ABBOTT Word.

COSTELLO What word?

ABBOTT Word in Office.

COSTELLO The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with
some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch
movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none
of your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT Real One.

COSTELLO If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4.
Can I watch them?

ABBOTT Of course.

COSTELLO Great! With what?

ABBOTT Real One.

COSTELLO OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What
do I do?

ABBOTT You click the blue "1".

COSTELLO I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT The blue "1".

COSTELLO Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

COSTELLO What word?

ABBOTT The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO But there's three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the
world.

COSTELLO It is?

ABBOTT Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left.
It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO And that word is real one?

ABBOTT Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't
even part of Office.

COSTELLO STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial
bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT Money.

COSTELLO That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT Money.

COSTELLO I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT Money.

COSTELLO Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT One copy.

COSTELLO Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.

COSTELLO They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A FEW DAYS LATER . .
ABBOTT Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT Click on "START"..........

[Thanks to Les Pourciau]

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Politeness Counts


At an immunization clinic, giving shot to children could be very
trying. One day as the nurse entered the examining room to give
the five year old her shot, the little girl started shouting, "NO!
NO! NO!"

"Mandi," scolded her father. "That's not polite behavior."

With that, the girl yelled even louder, "NO, THANK YOU! NO, THANK
YOU!"

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SUCCESS: To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent
people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of
honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to
appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world
a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a
redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't
want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?