Monday, October 24, 2005

messenger status quotes

If electricty comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Moblie phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest

A friend will bail u out of jail, but a best friend will be there with u saying, Damn that was fun!

Trying is the first step towards failure

If you hate me, I love you too. It ain't my fault I'm better than you

If you are drinking to forget, pay in advance

The funny thing about Common sense is that it's not very common

I Dont Like The Drugs, But The Drugs Like Me

Save a horse, ride a Cowboy!

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people

I'm the girl your parents warned you about

I'm fat, but your ugly. I can diet

I'm cool, I'm hot....I'm everything you're not

I have lost my phone number, can I have yours?

Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me

One night the moon said to me, if love makes you cry why dont you leave your lover. I looked back at moon and said would u ever leave your sky

I'm in a good mood don't ruin it by chatting (BRB)

The more I learn, the more I forget. So why would I learn?

:S When I first talked to you, I was afraid to hold u, when I held u, I was afraid to love u, now that I love you I am afraid to lose you! :S

(L) Love is like quicksand… the deeper you fall in the harder it is to get out!(L)

Love is like sand if you hold on too tight it might slip away

Diamond was just a coal that did well under perssure

My calculations are U+ME=US!

(B) Don’t drink and drive you could spill your drink! (B)

The rich get richer and the poor get children

I would tell ya to go to hell but all dogs go to heaven

Take my advice...I don't need it anyways

Fat people are harder to kidnap



I know that you know that I know that you think I'm the best, that's why you never tell me

You're unique, just like everyone else....

Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods

Don't be impressed by anyone make yourself that people should be impressed by you!

Im like a parking ticket, I have 'FINE' written all over me!

Diamonds are a girls best friend

Time is what keeps things from happening all at once

He's lookin so fine, he's gonna be mine

Those who know do not say, those who say do not know

The higher you are, the farther you fall

A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else

There are more fish in the sea but watch out for tha sharks

I didn't ask to be a princess... I asked to be a queen...

If you hate me, i love you too. It ain't my fault i'm better than you

I want to be a millionaire!

If your name was homework, I'd be doing you on my desk right now...

The shortest word for me is I, the sweetest word for me is LOVE, but the only word for me is YOU



My mother told me not to talk to stranger, I odn't talk to myself anymore!

Every step you take, Every move you make, I'll be missin' you!

Can I go thru your closet...I need a halloween costume!

I only play soccer on days that end in y!

Most people walk in and out of you life. But only friends leave footprints in your heart

Dont steal, the government hates competition

It's Not The Size Of The Boat its the motion of the ocean

I'm SOOOO hot that when I go Outside The Snow Melts

When I Walk In The Room All The gUys Look In My Direction... BUt Can I Blame Them I'm Pure Prefection

Sweet By Light..........Naughty By Night

There used to be men on dis earth ... what happened?

Why is it i must climb thousands of moutains to get to u and all u gotta do is smile

Love must be a game that I always loose

Moving on is simple... its what u leave behind thats so hard

It takes a few second to say hello, but forever to say goodbye

If u cant deal wid it .. dont pretend

Dont walk in front of me ... i may not follow. dont walk behind me i may not lead, just walk beside me and be my buddy

chat abbreviations

Abbreviation Meaning
<3 heart
404 I haven't a clue
ADN Any day now
AFAIK As far as I know
AFK Away from keyboard
ARE Acronym-rich environment
ASAP As soon as possible
A/S/L? Age/sex/location?
B4N Bye for now
BAK Back at the keyboard
BAS Big a** smile
BBIAB Be back in a bit
BBL Be back later
BBN Bye bye now
BBS Be back soon
BEG Big evil grin
BF Boy friend
BFD Big f***ing deal
BFN Bye for now
BG Big grin
BIBO Beer in, beer out
BIOYIOP Blow it out your I/O port
BL Belly laughing
BMGWL Busting my gut with laughter
BOTEC Back-of-the-envelope calculation
BRB Be right back
BTA But then again...
BTDT Been there, done that
BTW By the way
BWL Bursting with laughter
BWTHDIK But what the heck do I know...?
CICO Coffee in, coffee out
C&G Chuckle and grin
CNP Continued in next post
CRB Come right back
CRBT Crying real big tears
CU See you
CUL See you later
CUL8ER See you later
CYA See ya
CYA Cover your ass
CYO See you online
DBA Doing business as
DFLA Disenhanced four-letter acronym (that is, a TLA)
DL Dead link
DLTBBB Don't let the bed bugs bite
DIKU Do I know you?
DITYID Did I tell you I'm distressed?
DOM Dirty old man
DOS Dozing off soon
DQMOT Don't quote me on this
DTRT Do the right thing
DWB Don't write back
EG Evil grin
EMFBI Excuse me for butting in
EMSG E-mail message
EOM End of message
EOT End of thread (meaning: end of discussion)
ETLA Extended three-letter acronym (that is, an FLA)
F2F Face to face
FAQ Frequently-ask question(s)
FC Fingers crossed
FISH First in, still here
FLA Four-letter acronym
FMTYEWTK Far more than you ever wanted to know
FOMCL Falling off my chair laughing
FTBOMH From the bottom of my heart
FUBAR F***ed up beyond all repair or recognition
FUD Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt
FWIW For what it's worth
FYI For your information
G Grin
GA Go ahead
GAL Get a life
GIGO Garbage in, garbage out
GD&R Grinning, ducking, and running
GF Girlfriend
GFN Gone for now
GGP Gotta go pee
GIWIST Gee, I wish I'd said that
GL Good luck
GMAB Give me a break
GMTA Great minds think alike
GOL Giggling out loud
GTRM Going to read mail
GTSY Glad to see you
H&K Hug and kiss
HAGN Have a good night
HAND Have a nice day
HHIS Hanging head in shame
HIG How's it going
HT Hi there
HTH Hope this helps
HUB Head up butt
IAC In any case
IAE In any event
IANAL I am not a lawyer (but)
IC I see
IGP I gotta pee
IHA I hate acronyms
IHU I hear you
IIRC If I recall/remember/recollect correctly
ILU or ILY I love you
IM Immediate message
IMCO In my considered opinion
IMHO In my humble opinion
IMing Chatting with someone online usually while doing other things such as playing trivia or other interactive game
IMNSHO In my not so humble opinion
IMO In my opinion
IMS I am sorry
IOW In other words
IPN I'm posting naked
IRL In real life (that is, when not chatting)
ITIGBS I think I'm going to be sick
IWALU I will always love you
IYSWIM If you see what I mean
J4G Just for grins
JBOD Just a bunch of disks (like redundant array of independent disks, etc.)
JIC Just in case
JK Just kidding
JMO Just my opinion
JTLYK Just to let you know
KISS Keep it simple stupid
KIT Keep in touch
KOTC Kiss on the cheek
KOTL Kiss on the lips
KWIM? Know what I mean?
L8R Later
L8R G8R Later gator
LD Later, dude
LDR Long-distance relationship
LHO Laughing head off
LLTA Lots and lots of thunderous applause
LMAO Laughing my a** off
LMSO Laughing my socks off
LOL Laughing out loud
LRF Little Rubber Feet (the little pads on the bottom of displays and other equipment)
LSHMBH Laughing so hard my belly hurts
LTM Laugh to myself
LTNS Long time no see
LTR Long-term relationship
LULAB Love you like a brother
LULAS Love you like a sister
LUWAMH Love you with all my heart
LY Love ya
LY4E Love ya forever
MorF Male or female
MOSS Member of the same sex
MOTOS Member of the opposite sex
MTF More to follow
MUSM Miss you so much
NADT Not a darn thing
NFG No f*****g good
NFW No feasible way or no f*****g way
NIFOC Naked in front of computer
NP or N/P No problem
NRN No response necessary
OIC Oh, I see
OLL Online love
OMG Oh my God
OTF Off the floor
OTOH On the other hand
OTTOMH Off the top of my head
PANS Pretty awesome new stuff (as opposed to "POTS")
PAW Parents are watching
PCMCIA People can't master computer industry acronyms
PDA Public display of affection
PEBCAK Problem exists between chair and keyboard
PIBKAC Problem is between keyboard and chair
PITA Pain in the ass
PM Private message
PMFJIB Pardon me for jumping in but...
POAHF Put on a happy face
::POOF:: Goodbye (leaving the room)
POTS Plain old telephone service
PU That stinks!
QT Cutie
RL Real life (that is, when not chatting)
ROR Raffing out roud (Engrish for "laughing out loud")
ROTFL Rolling on the floor laughing
ROTFLMAO Rolling on the floor laughing my a** off
ROTFLMAOWPIMP Rolling on the floor laughing my a** off while peeing in my pants
ROTFLMBO Rolling on the floor laughing my butt off
RPG Role-playing games
RSN Real soon now
RT Real time
RTFM Read the f***ing manual
RYO Roll your own (write your own program; derived from cigarettes rolled yourself with tobacco and paper)
S^ S'up - what's up
S4L Spam for life (what you may get when you become someone's customer or client)
SHCOON Shoot hot coffee out of nose
SEG S***-eating grin
SETE Smiling ear to ear
SF Surfer-friendly (low-graphics Web site)
SHID Slaps head in disgust
SNAFU Situation normal, all f***ed up
SO Significant other
SOL Smilling out loud or sh*t out of luck
SOMY Sick of me yet?
SOT Short on time
SOTMG Short on time must go
STFW Search the f*****g Web
STW Search the Web
SU Shut up
SUAKM Shut up and kiss me
SUP What's up
SWAG Stupid wild-a** guess
SWAK Sealed with a kiss
SWL Screaming with laughter
SYS See you soon
TA Thanks again
TAFN That's all for now
TANSTAAFL There ain't no such thing as a free lunch
TCOY Take care of yourself
TFH Thread from hell (a discussion that just won't die and is often irrelevant to the purpose of the forum or group)
TGIF Thank God it's Friday
THX Thanks
TIA Thanks in advance (used if you post a question and are expecting a helpful reply)
TILII Tell it like it is
TLA Three-letter acronym
TLK2UL8R Talk to you later
TMI Too much information
TNT Till next time
TOPCA Til our paths cross again (early Celtic chat term)
TOY Thinking of you
TPTB The powers that be
TTFN Ta-Ta for now
TTT Thought that, too (when someone types in what you were about to type)
TTYL Talk to you later
TU Thank you
TY Thank you
UAPITA You're a pain in the ass
UW You're welcome
VBG Very big grin
VBSEG Very big s***-eating grin
WAG Wild a** guess
WAYD What are you doing
WB Welcome back
WBS Write back soon
WDALYIC Who died and left you in charge?
WEG Wicked evil grin
WFM Works for me
WIBNI Wouldn't it be nice if
WT? What/who the ?
WTFO What the F***! Over!
WTG Way to go!
WTGP? Want to go private?
WU? What's up?
WYSITWIRL What you see is TOTALLY WORTHLESS IN REAL LIFE!
WUF? Where are you from?
WYSIWYG What you see is what you get
YBS You'll be sorry
YGBSM You gotta be s***tin' me!
YMMV Your mileage may vary.
YW You're welcome

chat abbreviations

Abbreviation Meaning
<3 heart
404 I haven't a clue
ADN Any day now
AFAIK As far as I know
AFK Away from keyboard
ARE Acronym-rich environment
ASAP As soon as possible
A/S/L? Age/sex/location?
B4N Bye for now
BAK Back at the keyboard
BAS Big a** smile
BBIAB Be back in a bit
BBL Be back later
BBN Bye bye now
BBS Be back soon
BEG Big evil grin
BF Boy friend
BFD Big f***ing deal
BFN Bye for now
BG Big grin
BIBO Beer in, beer out
BIOYIOP Blow it out your I/O port
BL Belly laughing
BMGWL Busting my gut with laughter
BOTEC Back-of-the-envelope calculation
BRB Be right back
BTA But then again...
BTDT Been there, done that
BTW By the way
BWL Bursting with laughter
BWTHDIK But what the heck do I know...?
CICO Coffee in, coffee out
C&G Chuckle and grin
CNP Continued in next post
CRB Come right back
CRBT Crying real big tears
CU See you
CUL See you later
CUL8ER See you later
CYA See ya
CYA Cover your ass
CYO See you online
DBA Doing business as
DFLA Disenhanced four-letter acronym (that is, a TLA)
DL Dead link
DLTBBB Don't let the bed bugs bite
DIKU Do I know you?
DITYID Did I tell you I'm distressed?
DOM Dirty old man
DOS Dozing off soon
DQMOT Don't quote me on this
DTRT Do the right thing
DWB Don't write back
EG Evil grin
EMFBI Excuse me for butting in
EMSG E-mail message
EOM End of message
EOT End of thread (meaning: end of discussion)
ETLA Extended three-letter acronym (that is, an FLA)
F2F Face to face
FAQ Frequently-ask question(s)
FC Fingers crossed
FISH First in, still here
FLA Four-letter acronym
FMTYEWTK Far more than you ever wanted to know
FOMCL Falling off my chair laughing
FTBOMH From the bottom of my heart
FUBAR F***ed up beyond all repair or recognition
FUD Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt
FWIW For what it's worth
FYI For your information
G Grin
GA Go ahead
GAL Get a life
GIGO Garbage in, garbage out
GD&R Grinning, ducking, and running
GF Girlfriend
GFN Gone for now
GGP Gotta go pee
GIWIST Gee, I wish I'd said that
GL Good luck
GMAB Give me a break
GMTA Great minds think alike
GOL Giggling out loud
GTRM Going to read mail
GTSY Glad to see you
H&K Hug and kiss
HAGN Have a good night
HAND Have a nice day
HHIS Hanging head in shame
HIG How's it going
HT Hi there
HTH Hope this helps
HUB Head up butt
IAC In any case
IAE In any event
IANAL I am not a lawyer (but)
IC I see
IGP I gotta pee
IHA I hate acronyms
IHU I hear you
IIRC If I recall/remember/recollect correctly
ILU or ILY I love you
IM Immediate message
IMCO In my considered opinion
IMHO In my humble opinion
IMing Chatting with someone online usually while doing other things such as playing trivia or other interactive game
IMNSHO In my not so humble opinion
IMO In my opinion
IMS I am sorry
IOW In other words
IPN I'm posting naked
IRL In real life (that is, when not chatting)
ITIGBS I think I'm going to be sick
IWALU I will always love you
IYSWIM If you see what I mean
J4G Just for grins
JBOD Just a bunch of disks (like redundant array of independent disks, etc.)
JIC Just in case
JK Just kidding
JMO Just my opinion
JTLYK Just to let you know
KISS Keep it simple stupid
KIT Keep in touch
KOTC Kiss on the cheek
KOTL Kiss on the lips
KWIM? Know what I mean?
L8R Later
L8R G8R Later gator
LD Later, dude
LDR Long-distance relationship
LHO Laughing head off
LLTA Lots and lots of thunderous applause
LMAO Laughing my a** off
LMSO Laughing my socks off
LOL Laughing out loud
LRF Little Rubber Feet (the little pads on the bottom of displays and other equipment)
LSHMBH Laughing so hard my belly hurts
LTM Laugh to myself
LTNS Long time no see
LTR Long-term relationship
LULAB Love you like a brother
LULAS Love you like a sister
LUWAMH Love you with all my heart
LY Love ya
LY4E Love ya forever
MorF Male or female
MOSS Member of the same sex
MOTOS Member of the opposite sex
MTF More to follow
MUSM Miss you so much
NADT Not a darn thing
NFG No f*****g good
NFW No feasible way or no f*****g way
NIFOC Naked in front of computer
NP or N/P No problem
NRN No response necessary
OIC Oh, I see
OLL Online love
OMG Oh my God
OTF Off the floor
OTOH On the other hand
OTTOMH Off the top of my head
PANS Pretty awesome new stuff (as opposed to "POTS")
PAW Parents are watching
PCMCIA People can't master computer industry acronyms
PDA Public display of affection
PEBCAK Problem exists between chair and keyboard
PIBKAC Problem is between keyboard and chair
PITA Pain in the ass
PM Private message
PMFJIB Pardon me for jumping in but...
POAHF Put on a happy face
::POOF:: Goodbye (leaving the room)
POTS Plain old telephone service
PU That stinks!
QT Cutie
RL Real life (that is, when not chatting)
ROR Raffing out roud (Engrish for "laughing out loud")
ROTFL Rolling on the floor laughing
ROTFLMAO Rolling on the floor laughing my a** off
ROTFLMAOWPIMP Rolling on the floor laughing my a** off while peeing in my pants
ROTFLMBO Rolling on the floor laughing my butt off
RPG Role-playing games
RSN Real soon now
RT Real time
RTFM Read the f***ing manual
RYO Roll your own (write your own program; derived from cigarettes rolled yourself with tobacco and paper)
S^ S'up - what's up
S4L Spam for life (what you may get when you become someone's customer or client)
SHCOON Shoot hot coffee out of nose
SEG S***-eating grin
SETE Smiling ear to ear
SF Surfer-friendly (low-graphics Web site)
SHID Slaps head in disgust
SNAFU Situation normal, all f***ed up
SO Significant other
SOL Smilling out loud or sh*t out of luck
SOMY Sick of me yet?
SOT Short on time
SOTMG Short on time must go
STFW Search the f*****g Web
STW Search the Web
SU Shut up
SUAKM Shut up and kiss me
SUP What's up
SWAG Stupid wild-a** guess
SWAK Sealed with a kiss
SWL Screaming with laughter
SYS See you soon
TA Thanks again
TAFN That's all for now
TANSTAAFL There ain't no such thing as a free lunch
TCOY Take care of yourself
TFH Thread from hell (a discussion that just won't die and is often irrelevant to the purpose of the forum or group)
TGIF Thank God it's Friday
THX Thanks
TIA Thanks in advance (used if you post a question and are expecting a helpful reply)
TILII Tell it like it is
TLA Three-letter acronym
TLK2UL8R Talk to you later
TMI Too much information
TNT Till next time
TOPCA Til our paths cross again (early Celtic chat term)
TOY Thinking of you
TPTB The powers that be
TTFN Ta-Ta for now
TTT Thought that, too (when someone types in what you were about to type)
TTYL Talk to you later
TU Thank you
TY Thank you
UAPITA You're a pain in the ass
UW You're welcome
VBG Very big grin
VBSEG Very big s***-eating grin
WAG Wild a** guess
WAYD What are you doing
WB Welcome back
WBS Write back soon
WDALYIC Who died and left you in charge?
WEG Wicked evil grin
WFM Works for me
WIBNI Wouldn't it be nice if
WT? What/who the ?
WTFO What the F***! Over!
WTG Way to go!
WTGP? Want to go private?
WU? What's up?
WYSITWIRL What you see is TOTALLY WORTHLESS IN REAL LIFE!
WUF? Where are you from?
WYSIWYG What you see is what you get
YBS You'll be sorry
YGBSM You gotta be s***tin' me!
YMMV Your mileage may vary.
YW You're welcome

Friday, October 21, 2005

Just For Husbands!

Have you cleaned the house? Is dinner ready? Have you fed the kids? Did you wash my clothes?

These are some of the questions that women hear, day in and day out, from husbands who assert that wives are nothing more than servants and baby machines. But a wife is neither.

Nevertheless, amidst busy schedules on the parts of both women and men, some husbands forget the real reasons behind marriage and likewise the rights of their wives. Subsequently, they deprive themselves, their mates and their children of the happiness and tranquility that is the bedrock of a successful family. This unbalanced vision towards a couple's ideal relationship is bad enough to plunge the family into a situation laden with troubles and worries.

Even among religious families, you will find some husbands who still do not have a proper understanding of rights of their wives, nor a clear vision of the intended relationship between a married couple.

It is both painful and distressing to see a Muslim husband practicing Allah's orders on the one hand, but forgetting to follow His guidance regarding how to treat his wife. Outside the home he is kind, patient and smiling. But, as soon as he returns home, the smiling face becomes angry and sad and the kindness and gentleness turn into nervousness and adversity. He starts shouting and screaming his orders at his wife.

He forgets that although he faces many challenges and pressures outside the house, his wife can also be overwhelmed with the housework and her responsibilities to the children.

He forgets that she also needs rest after a long day of working. Although his duty is to work outside the house and to provide for his family, a wife's role inside the house is not any less important. On the contrary, her role is often more important as she is the one charged with raising the children and guarding the family.

We often see this scenario: A wife feels tired and asks her husband to help her with the cleaning, washing or cooking. He refuses, as though it is shameful for a man to help his wife. Doesn't he know that Prophet Mohammad (SAW), the most beloved person to Allah (SWT), helped his wives with the housework? Doesn't he know that Omar Ibn al-Khattab provided recipes to a group of women in order to teach them how to cook? Could Omar teach others if he himself did not know how to cook?

No husband, regardless of how much work he has, can ever be busier than our Prophet (SAW) whose duty it was to spread Islam. Likewise, no one is busier than Omar who had to bear the responsibility of a Khalifah.

It shocks me to hear that some wives have never heard a loving or appreciative word from their husbands. When asked about the person he loved the most, the Prophet (SAW) did not hesitate to name his wife, A'ishah. Thus, he declared very clearly, that a husband should not be ashamed of loving his wife or even of declaring that love in front of other people.

It is also painful to hear that some husbands do not speak to their wives or spend time with their families, under the pretenses of a busy schedule and da'wa work. While it is noble to be involved in da'wa outside the home, it is also necessary that the wife and children also be recipients of a husband's efforts.

I wonder how married couples can live without ever talking or spending time together or how they can feel happiness and tranquility with this gap separating them. Who else can share in happiness and sadness better than one's wife? Who else can encourage one to confront the challenges of life with perseverance and patience? Who can listen and keep one's secrets better than a wife? Who can help renew iman and intentions better than a wife?

The Prophet (SAW) taught us that the best among men is the one who best treats his wife. Shouldn't we follow the Prophet's example in every issue of our lives?

The Prophet (SAW) spent time with his wives, talking to them, laughing with them, and even playing with them. He listened to his wife, Om Salama's (RAA), advice in the Hudaybiya conciliation, when she advised him to start shaving and butchering. It was her mature advice that solved the predicament and protected the Muslim nation. So why have we strayed from that example?

Raising children is not just the mother's job, as some mistakenly think. It is intended as a mutual responsibility to be shared by both parents. Everyone has his/her complimentary role to undertake regarding family. There is no doubt that the mother bears the bigger burden of responsibility, but the role of the father is likewise important and has tremendous effects on the stability of the family.

Children need the presence and input of a father. They need him to ask them about their homework, help them memorize the Qur'an and understand religion. They need to feel that he is there for them.

Dear husbands, your wife is your partner, your other half and your life mate. She can be your hassanah in this world and "the blessing of your life," but only if you give her the chance to be. She is the one who can bring a smile to your face and dry the tears of pain from your eyes. She has the potential to provide your family with iman, happiness, encouragement, and patience in the face of challenges you may face. Your wife is always ready to sacrifice everything in order to bring happiness and success to the family.

No one can claim that marriage is always blissful or that there will never be any hardships to face. But, if the basis of the relationship is strong and if each person has a clear vision of his partners' rights, then challenges can easily be overcome.

I do not mean to blame all husbands for the problems facing couples today. I am addressing a specific type of husband within the Muslim community: the misinformed one who does not understand that a happier and stronger Muslim family can only be built under a strong partnership between the couple.

love?

A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road on a
motorcycle...
Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
Guy: No this is fun.
Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.

Girl hugs him

Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on
yourself ? Its bugging
me.
In the paper the next day A motorcycle had crashed into a
building because of brake failure. Two people were on it,
but
only
one had survived.
The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized
that
his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know
Instead,
he had her say she loved him & felt her hug him one last
time,
then had her wear his helmet
so that she would live even though
it
meant that he would
die.

If there is anyone in life you love this much!!!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

F A M I L Y

F A M I L Y

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,

"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.

He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."

We were very polite, this stranger and I.

We went on our way and we said goodbye.

However, at home a different story is told,

How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,

My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I did not realize how harshly I had spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,

"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.


Go and look on the kitchen floor,
you will find some flowers there by the door.


Those are the flowers he brought for you.

He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise;
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,

and now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.

"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they are pretty like you.

I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."

I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."


I said, "Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."


FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
However, the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don't you think?

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Brain teasers

http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16/brain_t-s.htm

Inspiration from a cracked pot

"A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.



For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.



After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. "Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"

"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.



The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it somewhat. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.



The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."



The moral of this story


Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. In this world nothing goes to waste. You may think like the cracked pot that you are inefficient or useless in certain areas of your life, but somehow these flaws can turn out to be a blessing in disguise."

Monday, October 17, 2005

God











WISE SAYINGS -DIAMONDS OF WISDOM

Fear God and you will have no cause to fear any one

Resignation to the Will of God is the cure of the disease of the heart

The word of God is the medicine of the heart

Lead such a life, that, when you die, the people may mourn you, and while you are alive they long for your company

The days of life pass away like clouds, so do good while you are alive

Of all the follies the greatest is to love the world

Opportunity is swift of flight but slow to return

Pride, cowardice, and miserliness are bad for me but good for women

The most happy is he to whom God has given a good wife

He who knows himself knows God

Do not soil your conscience for anything but heaven

The disease of the heart is worse than the disease of the body

To fight against one's desires is the greatest of all fights

The strongest amongst you is he who subdues his self

Wealth and greed are the roots of all evils

Riches without faith are the greatest poverty

A man's worth depends upon the nobility of his aspirations

Knowledge enlivens the soul

The learned lives, although he dies

The sum total of excellence is knowledge

To respect the learned is to respect God

Generosity hides shortcomings

The wealth of a miser is as useless as a pebble

Desire is one's most inveterate enemy

Those who walk on the surface of the earth shall one day be interred in it

Every breath of man brings him nearer to death

People are asleep as long as they are alive; they are awakened when they die

Patience is the fruit of faith

Virtue never dies

A man's glory from his virtue is greater than the glory of his pedigree

No shelter is safer than piety

A man's behaviour is the index of his mind

Courtesy costs nothing but buys everything

Clemency graces power

Jealousy devours virtue as fire devours fuel

He that lends a listening ear to reproach is one of those that deserve reproach

Forgiveness is the crown of greatness

Carnal appetites are nets spread by the devil

Every arrow does not hit the mark, nor every prayer granted

Ostentatiousness spoils prayers

Fear none but your sins

He who praises you murders you

A man who praises himself displays his deficiency of intellect

Honour your parents and your sons will honour you

A man is hid under his tongue

The tongue of a wise man lies behind his heart

The tongue pierces deeper than the spear

He who purifies his heart from doubt is a believer

The opinion of a wise man is an oracle

To seek counsel is to go to the fountain of guidance

Association with a fool is tyrannical to the soul

God hastens the fall of tyrants

Tyranny leads to moral cowardice

A tyrant's success is his moral defeat

It is better to die than to beg

When a man begs he loses his faith

Hajj is the Jihad of every believer in faith

A wise enemy is better than a foolish friend

Silence is the best reply to a fool

The best speech is one that is short and reasonable

Speech is like a medicine, a small dose of which cures but an excess of which kills

He that has no courage has no religion

His grief is long whose hope is short

The right of freedom of speech consists in speaking the truth

Repentance washes away sins

Folly is an incurable disease

To assist the wrong is to oppress the right

Sinning is a disease, repentance is its medicine, and abstinence from it a sure cure

Sorrow makes a man old before his time

Pride impedes progress and mars greatness

To forgive is the crown of greatness

He who understands humanity seeks solitude

Right is the best argument

Misrepresentation spoils narration

As a man's wisdom increases, so his desire to speak decreases

He who seeks to do justice with men, let him desire for them what he desires for himself

The greatest sin is the sin that the sinner considers to be ordinary

Contentment is the asset which is never exhausted

Governments are a trial for men

He who fights against the truth, the truth will defeat him

Finding fault in others is one's greatest fault

Haste is a species of madness

Greed is perpetual enslavement

He who does not know his own worth is doomed to destruction

The best investment is one with which duties are performed

Anger is a fire kindled, he who restrains anger extinguishes the fire; he who gives vent to it is the first to be consumed by such fire

Jihad is the highway of prosperity

None is more solitary than a miser

Knowledge is the ornament of the rich, and the riches of the poor

Knowledge is the sum total of excellence

He who teaches you a letter binds you with a fetter of gratitude

As long as we do not hope, we do not fret

He who indulges in jokes and loose fall, loses a part of his wisdom

Truth is bitter, but its result is sweet; falsehood appears to be sweet but it is poisonous in its effect

Miserliness is the root of many evils

Knowledge and practice are twins, and both go together. There is no knowledge without practice, and no practice without knowledge

He who dissembles plays with his honour

When God wants to humiliate a person He deprives him of knowledge

When your power increases, decrease your desires accordingly

He who listens to a backbiter loses a friend

It is no justice to decide a case on mere conjecture

He who does not know his own worth is deemed to ignominy

He who practices thrift would never be in want

He who does not know should not be ashamed to learn

Patience is to faith, what head is to the body, when patience goes, faith goes, when head goes, the body goes

The grace of God is the best guide

A good disposition is the best companion

Wisdom is the best friend

Good breeding is the best inheritance

There is nothing more hateful than pride

Be among men like bee among birds

Mix with the people with your tongue, but be separate from them in your deeds

Be generous but do not be a spendthrift

Do not run after the world; let the world run after you

A wise man is he who does not despair of the bounty and mercy of God

He who is aware of his own faults is oblivious of the faults of others

What the eye sees the heart preserves

The vision of the eye is limited; the vision of the heart transcends all barriers of time and space

Do not be misled by appearances for these are apt to be deceptive

Do not have too many irons in the fire; concentrate on one thing at a time

What you do not like for your self, do not like it for others

Contentment is the treasure which is never exhausted

The advice of old men is dearer than the bravery of young men

That knowledge is superficial which is merely on the tongue; that knowledge is real which demonstrates itself in your practice

Waste of time is one's greatest loss

He who knows to keep his secret knows the way to success

Foresight is the way to safety

No relationship is stronger than the relationship that exists between man and God

Enlighten the heart with prayers

Strengthen your heart with faith

Suppress all lust with piety

Do not sell the Hereafter for the world

Do not speak in a state of ignorance

Refrain from unnecessary talk

Do not tread the path from which you can apprehend the danger of running astray

In the affairs of God, do not be afraid of the accusations of the evil mongers

In all that you do seek the protection of God

Do not covet what is undesirable

If you seek the truth, neither strays from the right path, nor be assailed by doubts

Do not become a slave of your desires

That wealth is no wealth which brings dishonour

Whatever harm accrues of silence can be remedied but whatever harm is done because of speech cannot be remedied

It is better to restrain your desires than to stretch your hand before others

A little that is earned because of honest labour is better than a larger amount gained through dishonest means

Guard well your secret

He who seeks more than what is necessary indulges in error

To oppress the weak is the worst tyranny

Do not bank on false hopes, for that is the capital of the dead

A wise man takes a lesson even from a minor lapse

Overpower desires and suspicions by patience and faith

He who does not take the middle course strays

A stranger is he who has no friends

When hopes are frustrated despair becomes the way of life

He who trusts the world, the world betrays him

The one, who knows himself, knows his creator

If you love God, tear out your heart's love of the world

The fear of God makes one secure

How can you rejoice this life that grows shorter each hour?

A world wide reputation can be undone by an hour's degradation

Three defects make life miserable; Vindictiveness, Jealousy, A bad character

One who is proud of worldly possessions in this fleeting existence is ignorant

Joy is followed by tears

Each breath of man is a step nearer to death

The best man among us is he who is most helpful to his fellow men

One who thinks himself the best is the worst

The hated person is one who returns evil for good

Virtue is the key to success

Learned men live after death; ignorant men are dead although alive

There is no treasure like knowledge gained

Knowledge is wisdom and educated man is the wise man

Experience is knowledge gained

He who never corrects himself will never correct another

Listen and you will teach yourself: remain silent, and you risk nothing

The one, who reflects on God’s gifts, succeeds

Ignorance harms a man more than a cancer

One of the signs of stupid man is the frequent change of opinion

Never speak when it is not the time for speech

Beware of backbiting it sows the seed of bitterness, and separates you from God and man

The best truth is the keeping of promises

Better be dumb than lie

Do not flatter, it is no sign of faith

A hypocrite's tongue is clean, but there is sickness in his heart.

Better to be alone than with bad company

Who ever sows good, reaps his reward

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Friday, October 14, 2005

priceless gift of a daughter

Priceless Gift from a daughter to her father...

Some time ago, a friend of mine punished his 4 year old daughter
for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper.
Money was tight and he became infuriated
when the small child tried to decorate a box to put under the tree.

Nevertheless the little girl brought
the gift to her father the next morning and said:
" This is for you Daddy."

He was embarrassed by his earlier over reaction...

He opened the box and his anger flaired again
when he found the box was empty.
Then he yelled at her:
" DON'T YOU KNOW when you give someone a present
there's supposed to be something inside of it??? "

The little girl looked up at him
with tears in her eyes and said,
" Oh Daddy it's not empty,
I blew kisses into the box,
All for you Daddy."

The father was crushed.
He put his arms around his little girl,
and he begged her for forgiveness.

My friend told me that he kept that gold box near his bed for years.
Whenever he was discouraged he would take out an imaginary kiss
and remember the love of the child who had put it there.

In a very real sense each of us has been given a gold container
filled with unconditional love and kisses.

There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.
Its simply Priceless...

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

English

Here’s a humorous take on the non-native style of English usage or the so-called “Indian English”.


Below are two poems by Nissim Ezekiel. Nissim Ezekiel, during his stay in Mumbai, had the occasion to observe the way Indians speak English. What he first thought was incorrect or wrong English turned out to be actually what people would later claim to be “Indian English”. Without any intention or hint of sarcasm, Nissim has beautifully captured the essence of native languages forcing its way into English when spoken by the non-native English speakers and their attempt to dissolve it into the character of their native tongues. Note the frequent usage of the continuous tense, a typical feature of the regional languages, as also the seemingly contradictory phrases or abstract way of speaking that the non-native English speakers unconsciously allow to creep in to their communication in English.



Nissim Ezekiel, who has died aged 79, was the father of post-independence Indian verse in English. A prolific dramatist, critic, broadcaster and social commentator, he was professor of English and reader in American literature at Mumbai (formerly Bombay) University during the 1990s, and secretary of the Indian branch of the international writers' organization PEN.



Take it with a grain of salt! (not a ‘pinch’ J ). I found these poems hilarious when I first read them and they did make me reflect on the way I used English way back in those days.



Happy Reading!


====================================================================



The Patriot



I am standing for peace and non-violence.

Why world is fighting fighting

Why all people of world

Are not following Mahatma Gandhi,

I am simply not understanding.

Ancient Indian Wisdom is 100% correct,

I should say even 200% correct,

But modern generation is neglecting-

Too much going for fashion and foreign thing.



Other day I'm reading newspaper

(Every day I'm reading Times of India

To improve my English Language)

How one goonda fellow

Threw stone at Indirabehn.

Must be student unrest fellow, I am thinking.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, I am saying (to myself)

Lend me the ears.

Everything is coming -

Regeneration, Remuneration, Contraception.

Be patiently, brothers and sisters.



You want one glass lassi?

Very good for digestion.

With little salt, lovely drink,

Better than wine;

Not that I am ever tasting the wine.

I'm the total teetotaller, completely total,

But I say

Wine is for the drunkards only.



What you think of prospects of world peace?

Pakistan behaving like this,

China behaving like that,

It is making me really sad, I am telling you.

Really, most harassing me.

All men are brothers, no?

In India also

Gujaratis, Maharashtrians, Hindiwallahs

All brothers -

Though some are having funny habits.

Still, you tolerate me,

I tolerate you,

One day Ram Rajya is surely coming.



You are going?

But you will visit again

Any time, any day,

I am not believing in ceremony

Always I am enjoying your company.


-- Nissim Ezekiel

------------------------------------------------------------

The Professor



Remember me? I am Professor Sheth.

Once I taught you geography. Now

I am retired, though my health is good.

My wife died some years back.

By God's grace, all my children

Are well settled in life.

One is Sales Manager,

One is Bank Manager,

Both have cars.

Other also doing well, though not so well.

Every family must have black sheep.

Sarala and Tarala are married,

Their husbands are very nice boys.

You won't believe but I have eleven grandchildren.

How many issues you have? Three?

That is good. These are days of family planning.

I am not against. We have to change with times.

Whole world is changing. In India also

We are keeping up. Our progress is progressing.

Old values are going, new values are coming.

Everything is happening with leaps and bounds.

I am going out rarely, now and then

Only, this is price of old age

But my health is O.K. Usual aches and pains.

No diabetes, no blood pressure, no heart attack.

This is because of sound habits in youth.

How is your health keeping?

Nicely? I am happy for that.

This year I am sixty-nine

and hope to score a century.

You were so thin, like stick,

Now you are man of weight and consequence.

That is good joke.

If you are coming again this side by chance,

Visit please my humble residence also.

I am living just on opposite house's backside.


-- Nissim Ezekiel

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Corporate Lessons

Corporate Lesson #1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing
over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives
up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When
she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she could say a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop
that towel that you have on."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800
dollars and leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back
up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the
bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he
owes me?"

**Moral of the story**
If you share critical information pertaining to financial matters
with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.


Corporate Lesson #2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road.
He stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in
and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely
leg.

The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling
the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at
him and immediately said, Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced him-
self to remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his hand slide up
her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is
weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful
glance and went on her way. Upon his arrival at the church, the
priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129.

It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, and you will find glory."

**Moral of the story**
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.


Corporate Lesson #3
A sales representative, an administration clerk and the manager
are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub
it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give
each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Poof! She's gone.

In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want
to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse,
an endless supply of piña coladas, and the love of my life."

Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office right after
lunch."

**Moral of the story**
Always let your boss have the first say.


Corporate Lesson #4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit
saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing all day long?"

The crow answered "Sure, why not?"

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.

All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

**Moral of the story**
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
high up.


Corporate Lesson #5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get
to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the
energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull. They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually
gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally, after a fourth night, there he was, proudly

perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a
farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

**Moral of the story**
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Corporate Lesson #6
In Africa, every morning a gazelle awakens knowing that it must
outrun the fastest lion if it wants to stay alive.

Every morning, a lion also wakes up, knowing that it must run
faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.

**Moral of the story**
It makes no difference whether you are a gazelle or a lion When
the sun comes up, you had better be hauling ass.

*****************************************************************
*****************************************************************
Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not
at all true. I have the heart of a young boy... In a jar...
On my desk.
-- Steven King

Sign Language

How do mathematicians communicate?
Sine language.

How do hyperbolic mathematicians communicate?
Hypersine language.

How do biblical prophets communicate?
Heavenly Sign language.

How do astrologers communicate?
Star Sign language.

How did the Israelites in the Promised Land communicate?
Zion language.

How do picketing traffic engineers communicate?
Sign language.

How do naval cadets communicate?
Ensign language.

How do couturiers communicate?
Design language.

How do lighthouse keepers communicate?
Shine language.

How do real estate closers communicate?
Sign Here and Sign Here and Sign Here and Sign Here and sign...
language.

How does everyone communicate on December 31st?
Old Lang- syne -uage.

How did Gertrude communicate at the Bavarian Oktoberfest?
She used Stein language.

How do heirs communicate?
Scion language.

How do lovers communicate?
Sighin' language.

How do tech writers talk?
Manually.

[Thanks to Marsha Coleman]

*****************************************************************
2 Rides


A man took a ride in a stunt plane. The pilot dove and spun,
putting the plane through its entire repertoire. When they landed
the passenger gasped, "Thank you for the rides!"

"That was only one ride," said the pilot.

"I'll call it two." said the man. "My first and my last!"

Out Of Office Messages

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if
I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out
of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have
received anything at all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the e-mails you send me until
I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your
mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

4. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged
$5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional
word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection
and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your
computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that
when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this
over and over).

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing
system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to
receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

7. I've run away to join a different circus.

8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical
reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret'
instead of 'Jay'.

9. I am currently out of the office. Well, not really. But with
the amount of mail I get, this is the only way to deal with
it. You can interpret my quick and timely response to your
question as a "Definite Maybe".

10. I am currently attending a middle management seminar on office
safety. Come and join us! It's at Joe's Bar and Grill down the
street.

*****************************************************************
Sleeper's Wanted


Urgently in need of sleeping cars a Canadian Railroad inserted the
following advertisement in one of the trade journals.

"300 Sleepers Wanted. Needed at Once."

A short time later they received a letter from a minister of a
church in Iowa offering his entire congregation.

*****************************************************************
*****************************************************************
If you would be loved, love and be lovable.
-- Benjamin Franklin

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
I want my children to have all the things I never could afford. Then I want
to move in with them.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

love

LOVE your self,
flirt with your understanding,
romance with dreams,
get engaged with simplicity,
marry genuiness,
divorce the ego,
That is life

Monday, October 03, 2005

woman language

she told=meaning
^
Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.

We need... = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be
obvious by now.

Do what you want... = You'll pay for this later.

We need to talk... = I need to complain

Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to.

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = ...and carpeting, and furniture,
and wallpaper.....

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something
expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today
you're really not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and
find a good game on TV.

Am I fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with
me.

Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.

Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and
walk him until he goes to sleep.

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think
this is important.

In response to What's wrong?:

The same old thing = Nothing

Nothing = Everything

Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an idiot!

Sunday, October 02, 2005

try this

This is something pretty cool...and unbelievable...
At Microsoft the whole team, including Bill Gates, couldn't answer why
this happened!
It was discovered by a Brazilian.
Try it out yourself...

Open Microsoft Word and type
=rand (200,99)
and then press ENTER


And Here is some update

This is not something which Bill Gates doesn't know...

rand() is a Win32 API which is used to generates random numbers.... which is quite common in VC++ programming...



The function '= rand (200,99)' is compiled instead of taken as text.... in MS WORD

The output of this will be a default string 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.' which will be displayed (checkout this string contains all the alphabets)



This string will be displayed in 200 lines with 99 times in each line...



Note: If you want MS WORD to read =rand(200,99) as text then do the following in MS WORD:

Format --> AutoFormat --> Options --> AutoCorrect (Tab) --> Uncheck 'Replact text as you type'

wake up

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.

MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."

SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."

MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."

SON : "One, all the chilldren hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."

MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."

SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"

MOM : One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.
Achtung Baby!

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Joke

One night a guy took his girlfriend home.
As they were about to bid each other goodnight at
the front door,
the guy started feeling a little in the mood.
With an air of confidence,
he leaned with his hand against the wall and
smiling,
he said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss?
" Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents
will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?
" He asked grinning at her.
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all
sleeping!".
"No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?" .
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
.
"Oh yes you can. Please?" .....................
"No, no. I just can't"
"I'm begging you ... "

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on,
and the girl's older sister showed up in her
pajamas,
hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she said,
"Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss,
or I can do it. Or if need be,
mom says she can come down herself and do it,
but for God's sake and all of ours....
why.......????
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TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE CALLING BELL ! !

prayer

New Definitions

In a contest in The Washington Post, readers were asked to take an
_expression using a number, add or subtract one, and create a new
definition

The Year 2001 Problem
How to find jobs for all those programmers hired to solve the Year
2000 problem.

Catch-23
Complete the previous catch before proceeding to this step.

Fortune 501
Levi Strauss makes the list, but just by the seat of its pants.

Dressed to the Eights
Impeccably attired with white socks.

Six Brides for Seven Brothers
Someone's gonna get hurt !

Snow White and the Eight Dwarfs
The title, before they expelled Gassy.

Five Eyes
Other kids can be so cruel when you are Siamese twins, and one of
you is wearing a monocle.

665
The mark on the forehead of Satan's slightly less evil brother,
Chris.

Ways To "Spice Up" The Office

Here's a few ways to spice up your office. Pick two or three
colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points
as follows:


ONE POINT
- Run one lap around the office at top speed.
- Walk sideways to the photocopier.
- Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
- When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of
coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew.
- Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
- Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name
and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
-- To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your
ears and grimace.
- While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the
doors open.

THREE-POINTS

- Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get
all that, I don't want to have to repeat it."
- Double points if you do this to a manager.
- Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the
nozzle.
- Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINTS

- At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be
nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra
points if you actually launch into it yourself).
- Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you
with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
- For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
- Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "Really have to go
do number two".
- After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent.
As in, "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for at
least one hour.
- While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
- In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly
and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"
- In a colleague's diary, write in; 10:00 a.m. "See how I look in
tights."
- Carry your laptop over to your colleague and ask "So, ya wanna
trade?"
- Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person
"Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
- Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't
talk about it"
- Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc.) during a
very important conference call.

Learning To Fish

Before getting married, my fiance thought it would be a good idea
for me to get to know her young nephew Dylan. Wanting to make a
good first impression, I selected one of my favorite sports to
bond with him - fishing. I told seven-year-old Dylan that I would
share my secrets to fishing success with him during the special
outing.

Having never fished before, he was excited, to say the least. I
prepared all of the tackle, purchased the worms, packed the snacks
and headed out to pick him up just after sunrise. Having stayed
out late the night before, I decided to purchase an extra large
coffee for the trip. This was not a good idea. I had to urinate
several times and repeatedly went downstream to do so behind a
tree. To save face, I told Dylan that I was just walking up and
down the creek to scout out the "hot spots" for fish.

We had a wonderful time. Dylan learned how to put on a worm, tie
a knot and cast, as well as practice the rules of fishing
etiquette. And besides the many laughs and silly moments we
shared, we also caught lots and lots of fish!

Upon returning home, my future sister-in-law asked an excited
Dylan to share his Uncle Ryan's best "fishing secret" with her. I
wondered if he would tell her about the special casting or baiting
Techniques I taught him, or possibly the time-of-day rules, or one
of my many other secrets.

To my surprise and embarrassment, Dylan replied, "That's easy. If
you want to catch fish, you have to pee on them first!"

Having A Baby

A four year old little boy, while waiting with his mother in the
doctor's office, walked over to a pregnant lady and staring
inquisitively asked, "Why is your stomach so big?"

She replied, "I'm having a baby."

With big wide eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"

She said, "He sure is."

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good
baby?"

She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."

With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked, "Then why
did you eat him?"

*****************************************************************
Misunderstood


A political hopeful visiting a local elementary school recently
for a photo-op declared, "When it comes to kids, I am
accountable!"

Children ran screaming in all directions.

They thought he said, ". . . .A CANNIBAL!".

The 6-6-6 of Love

6 weeks: I love you.
6 months: Of course I love you.
6 years: If I didn't love you, I would have split a long time ago.

6 weeks: Good evening, my love, I'm hooooome!
6 months: Hi. Nice day?
6 years: Any mail for me?

6 weeks: Don't move; I'll get you a drink
6 months: Want me to get you a beer?
6 years: Well? Where's my beer, dammit?

6 weeks: Darling, it's your mother on the phone.
6 months: It's for you.
6 years: Can't you hear the PHONE?????

6 weeks: You didn't have a great childhood.
6 months: It's true that your parents are awful.
6 years: It's obvious where you got THAT!

6 weeks: Let's go to Nepal.
6 months: You really want to go to Nepal?
6 years: What's wrong with here?

6 weeks: I thought that this necklace might please you.
6 months: A vase is always useful.
6 years: Here's 20 bucks. Buy what you want.

6 weeks: What would you like to see?
6 months: What about let's seeing "Evita" instead?
6 years: I saw "Evita." You should plan to see it.

6 weeks: It's not serious; don't spoil your make-up.
6 months: Watch it, will you?
6 years: God! you're clumsy.

6 weeks: I'm not really in agreement with that.
6 months: Now there's where you're wrong!
6 years: Are you stupid or what?

6 weeks: And besides, you're a great cook.
6 months: What's for dinner?
6 years: Sheesh! pasta again?

6 weeks: What would you like to drink?
6 months: I want a bourbon on the rocks.
6 years: Sheesh! You forgot the ice... again!

6 weeks: That dress looks good on you.
6 months: Another new dress?
6 years: You're not going to wear THAT, are you?

6 weeks: Let's go visit your parents.
6 months: Not this week. I've got work to do.
6 years: How were your parents?

6 weeks: Ooops. You made my hard drive crash, love.
6 months: Sheesh! You could be more careful.
6 years: Don't ever touch my computer again!

6 weeks: I mowed the lawn. Ain't it neat?
6 months: I don't have any gas for the mower.
6 years: This weekend, it's your turn.

6 weeks: You're right, it could use a dash of salt.
6 months: This is a little blah, eh?
6 years: You're just as bad a cook as your mother!

6 weeks: Mmmmm. That perfume drives me crazy.
6 months: Don't you think the perfume is a bit strong?
6 years: Sheesh! Did you take a bath in it?

6 weeks: I made reservations at a cool restaurant.
6 months: No, really, I'm just not hungry tonight.
6 years: No, I'm not coming in late. Why do you think so?

6 weeks: I brought home your favorite movie.
6 months: You're sure you want to watch that?
6 years: Sheesh! Not during the football game!

6 weeks: Tonight, we're going out like lovers on a date.
6 months: Do you care if Maury stays for dinner?
6 years: So what if it's ten of 'em.? These are my PALS!

6 weeks: I like Chinese lit, philosophy, and modern poetry.
6 months: Have you seen my MAD magazine?
6 years: You forgot to bring me a TV Guide!

Divorce

A woman walks into a lawyer's office and asks, "Is it true that if
I get divorced, I'm entitled to half of my husband's possessions?"

"Well," answers the lawyer, "The lawyers get their fees, of course,
but it is usually the case that the woman would get at least half,
and perhaps even a bit more than half. Are you ready for a
divorce?"

"Not quite yet," the woman replies. "First, I've got to get
married."

Who's On First?

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . . .

ABBOTT Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO Thanks.I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm
thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT Mac?

COSTELLO No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT Your computer?

COSTELLO I don't own a computer.I want to buy one.

ABBOTT Mac?

COSTELLO I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT What about Windows?

COSTELLO Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?

ABBOTT Wallpaper.

COSTELLO Never mind the windows.I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT Software for Windows?

COSTELLO No. On the computer!I need something I can use to write
proposals,track expenses and run my business. What have
you got?

ABBOTT Office.

COSTELLO Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT I just did.

COSTELLO You just did what?

ABBOTT Recommend something.

COSTELLO You recommended something?

ABBOTT Yes.

COSTELLO For my office?

ABBOTT Yes.

COSTELLO OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT Office.

COSTELLO Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say
I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.
What do I need?

ABBOTT Word.

COSTELLO What word?

ABBOTT Word in Office.

COSTELLO The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with
some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch
movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none
of your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT Real One.

COSTELLO If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4.
Can I watch them?

ABBOTT Of course.

COSTELLO Great! With what?

ABBOTT Real One.

COSTELLO OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What
do I do?

ABBOTT You click the blue "1".

COSTELLO I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT The blue "1".

COSTELLO Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

COSTELLO What word?

ABBOTT The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO But there's three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the
world.

COSTELLO It is?

ABBOTT Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left.
It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO And that word is real one?

ABBOTT Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't
even part of Office.

COSTELLO STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial
bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT Money.

COSTELLO That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT Money.

COSTELLO I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT Money.

COSTELLO Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT One copy.

COSTELLO Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.

COSTELLO They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A FEW DAYS LATER . .
ABBOTT Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT Click on "START"..........

[Thanks to Les Pourciau]

*****************************************************************
Politeness Counts


At an immunization clinic, giving shot to children could be very
trying. One day as the nurse entered the examining room to give
the five year old her shot, the little girl started shouting, "NO!
NO! NO!"

"Mandi," scolded her father. "That's not polite behavior."

With that, the girl yelled even louder, "NO, THANK YOU! NO, THANK
YOU!"

*****************************************************************
*****************************************************************
SUCCESS: To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent
people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of
honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to
appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world
a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a
redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't
want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

What's Your Problem

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed.
"Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."

"What's the problem?" the doctor inquired.

"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies.
No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work
on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run
to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person,
a fun person and an attractive person. But say it with real
conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around
you."

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the
office excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same
downtrodden look on his face.

"Didn't my advice work?" asked the doctor.

"It worked okay." replied the man. "For the past several weeks
I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most
fabulous looking women."

"So, what's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."

Jokes

A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone.

The counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?"

The wife replies, "It's my husband -- he's driving me crazy! I'm going to leave him if he continues!"

"How does he drive you crazy?"

"For 20 years," she says, "he's been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he's always looking at the floor and refuses to go near anyone. It's very embarrassing."

The marriage counselor is amused, "Anything else?"

"He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public!"

"Hmm, anything else?"

The wife hesitates, "whenever we're making love, he NEVER lets me be on top! Once in a while, I'd like to be in control!"

"Ah," says the counselor, "I think I'll talk to your husband now."

So the wife goes out of the room and the husband enters. The counselor tells him, "Your wife says that you've been driving her crazy. She might even leave you."

The husband looks shocked, "WHAT? For 20 years I've been loving and considerate and I've always given her what she wants! What could be the problem?"

The counselor explains, "She says that you've got these habits that are driving her crazy. First, you're always acting strange in public--looking at the floor and never going near anyone else."

The husband looks concerned, "Oh, you don't understand! It's one of the few things my father told me to do in his deathbed and I swore I'd obey everything he said."

"What did he say?"

"He said that I should never step on anyone's toes!"

The counselor looks amused, "Actually, that means that you should not do anything that would cause anyone else to get angry."

The husband looks sheepish, "Oh. Okay."

The counselor continues, "And you keep picking your nose in public."

"Well, its another thing my father specifically commanded me to do! He told me to always keep my nose clean."

The counselor looks faint, "That means that you should not indulge in any criminal activity."

"Oh," says the husband looking very stupid.

"And finally, she says that you never allow her to be on top during your lovemaking."

"This," says the husband seriously, "is the last thing my father commanded me to do on his deathbed and it's the most important thing."

"What did he say?"

The husband replies, "In his dying breath, he said, 'Don't screw up!'"





Three old men are sitting in the hospital talking about there new problems. The 60 year old man say "I have to pee at 7 am everyday". He says "it's like clockwork, everyday at 7am over and over have to pee at 7." The 70 year old man says "thats nothing. I have to take a crap at 7:45 everyday. it's like clockwork. Day after day at 7:45." The 80 year old man says "thats nothing I have to do both at 8 o'clock everyday." Both the 60 year old and the 70 year old man says whats wrong with that? The 80 year old man says "I don't get up til 11:00 am."

female_professional

class Indian_Bachelor_female_professional
{
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind;
void knowledge();
char non_co_operative;
};

class Married_female_Software_Professional
{
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossips;
float hopes;
void work();
char unstable;
};
class Female_Engaged_software_professional
{
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding();
char edgy;
};
class Indian_Newly_Married_software_professional
{
double dinner_invitations;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_breaks;
float talks;
void bank_balance();
char hen_pecked;
};
class Indian_husband_wife_software_professional
{
double income;
short temper;
long time_no_see;
float new_software_company;
void love_life();
char money_minded;
};

PICTURES THAT PLAY WITH YOUR MIND!