Thursday, October 06, 2005

Corporate Lessons

Corporate Lesson #1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing
over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives
up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When
she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she could say a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop
that towel that you have on."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800
dollars and leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back
up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the
bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he
owes me?"

**Moral of the story**
If you share critical information pertaining to financial matters
with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.


Corporate Lesson #2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road.
He stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in
and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely
leg.

The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling
the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at
him and immediately said, Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced him-
self to remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his hand slide up
her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is
weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful
glance and went on her way. Upon his arrival at the church, the
priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129.

It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, and you will find glory."

**Moral of the story**
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.


Corporate Lesson #3
A sales representative, an administration clerk and the manager
are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub
it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give
each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Poof! She's gone.

In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want
to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse,
an endless supply of piƱa coladas, and the love of my life."

Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office right after
lunch."

**Moral of the story**
Always let your boss have the first say.


Corporate Lesson #4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit
saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing all day long?"

The crow answered "Sure, why not?"

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.

All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

**Moral of the story**
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
high up.


Corporate Lesson #5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get
to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the
energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull. They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually
gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally, after a fourth night, there he was, proudly

perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a
farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

**Moral of the story**
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Corporate Lesson #6
In Africa, every morning a gazelle awakens knowing that it must
outrun the fastest lion if it wants to stay alive.

Every morning, a lion also wakes up, knowing that it must run
faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.

**Moral of the story**
It makes no difference whether you are a gazelle or a lion When
the sun comes up, you had better be hauling ass.

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Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not
at all true. I have the heart of a young boy... In a jar...
On my desk.
-- Steven King