Thursday, October 06, 2005

Out Of Office Messages

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if
I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out
of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have
received anything at all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the e-mails you send me until
I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your
mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

4. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged
$5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional
word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection
and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your
computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that
when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this
over and over).

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing
system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to
receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

7. I've run away to join a different circus.

8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical
reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret'
instead of 'Jay'.

9. I am currently out of the office. Well, not really. But with
the amount of mail I get, this is the only way to deal with
it. You can interpret my quick and timely response to your
question as a "Definite Maybe".

10. I am currently attending a middle management seminar on office
safety. Come and join us! It's at Joe's Bar and Grill down the
street.

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Sleeper's Wanted


Urgently in need of sleeping cars a Canadian Railroad inserted the
following advertisement in one of the trade journals.

"300 Sleepers Wanted. Needed at Once."

A short time later they received a letter from a minister of a
church in Iowa offering his entire congregation.

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If you would be loved, love and be lovable.
-- Benjamin Franklin

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I want my children to have all the things I never could afford. Then I want
to move in with them.