Saturday, October 14, 2006

POLICIES & PROCEDURES

POLICIES AND PROCEDURES

Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading
to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling. Each time a monkey
tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which
makes them miserable. Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the
ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and
beat him up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the
ladder.
One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the
room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other
monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately begins to climb
the ladder. All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no
idea why. However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.
A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again
attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him.
This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the
receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other
monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.
One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced.
Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed
by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will
enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.
AND THAT'S HOW VERY MANY COMPANY POLICIES & PROCEDURES GET ESTABLISHED.

interesting one

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his
girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is
just too great. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to
you.

Love, Becky

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.

In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures
of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos
in that envelope along with this note:

Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.
Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,
Ricky

Moral of the story: If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Doctor

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me are doing basically the same work? " The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic ...

(What do you think he said ?? )

Guess ......

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He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running"