Have you ever been in the nerve-wracking situation of meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time? Afraid of what impression you will make? Follow these instructions and you'll surely be invited back for baked ziti dinner night.
Steps
1. Dress to impress. Going to meet someone's parents in your vintage, hole-ridden, acid-washed jeans and Che Guevara t-shirt that you got from the thrift store the other day for three dollars probably won't get you their utmost respect. This doesn't mean wear a suit - just be presentable (e.g. a polo shirt or t-shirt that doesn't spread the Communist agenda).
2. Park your car in front of their house, and lock both doors. This will be explained later.
3. Be confident. When you meet them for the first time, give them a firm handshake. Nothing says "I can't take care of your daughter" more than a limp-noodle handshake. Not to mention, when it's firm, it shows you mean business. All men-who-mean-business use the firm shake, sometimes with an additional forearm grab. If you are feeling brave, throw in a pound. If you are feeling brave and foolish, try a low-five.
4. Make good conversation. One of the most pivotal parts of meeting anyone - parents, girls, the president - is the conversation. If you have mastered the art of conversation, you are a deadly force just waiting to disarm parents at every turn. Use anecdotes and, most importantly, well-timed (and appropriate) jokes. Timing is the key--an ill-timed comment could be the difference between "father-in-law" and "law-suit". Take lessons from your past experiences; i.e., look at your conversations with your ex-girlfriend's parents (see, that's EX-girlfriend for a reason).
5. Be prepared for the Q & A session. There comes a time in every first meeting where you will be assaulted with questions that end only upon the submission of your manhood. It is very important to answer most of these questions in the affirmative, unless they begin with, "Have you ever...," "When is the last time you...," "Have you ever committed a felony..." - in which case it is best to use your discretion. Be warned that you may have to swallow your pride at times. By the end of this session, you will most likely feel out of breath, beaten, and less of a man - however, if done correctly, you will soon be on to step six. If not, a 'family emergency' might suddenly come up that somehow doesn't allow you to go out with your date tonight. You didn't even know she had an Uncle Pedro in Taipei, or that myxomatosis affected humans - but you hope he gets better soon.
6. Say farewell. This is the most relieving part of the entire parental-unit-meeting-situation, but only for the champions who have made it past the first five steps. Usually characterized by a dark, evil stare by the father as he opens the door to let you out, and accompanied by a "Have her home by ____," - in which case you respond you will have her home within plenty of time to make that deadline - this is the green-mile. Once you exit the door, it is imperative not to look back - because you know darn well that her parents are watching until you are out of sight.
7. Once you reach your car, be certain to unlock her door first, and open it for her. Turn around and flash her parents a smile while you close the door if you are feeling dangerous. Once you get in, make sure she is buckled-up and do the same, otherwise you will notice her father's face twist and distort behind the screen door. Finally, give a single-hand acknowledgment of her parent's presence behind their door, and drive away at no faster than fifteen miles-an-hour until you are out of their sight.
8. Congratulations! You've made it this far, the rest of the night is up to you. Good luck.
Tips
* Always keep a smile on your face if possible.
* If she has a curfew, bring her home a little bit early. That shows the father that you respect his boundaries. After doing that a few times, you will be amazed when you hear from him, "Stay out as long as you want. We know that you are in good hands."
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Jai Chiranjeeva
Title:Jai Chiranjeeva(Man for the world)
Cast:chiranjeevi,Bhoomika,Sameera Reddy,...
Director: VijayaBhaskar
Producer: AswaniDutt
Introduction:
There comes a stranger asking about Chiranjeevi's Shop, with his 50 yrs Old cycle to get repaired. Chiranjeevi's associates(tottigang including bramhanandam,Sunil,MS,Dharmavarapu) asks doesnt he know Chiranjeevi's greatness.
Chiranjeevi is poor,runs a cycle shop in cyberabad.Lives in a little hut in Jubliee Hills. Tottigang and Chiranjeevi are like family members because they are Orphans. There comes Chiranjeevi on Enticer with Brand new crocodile shirt and Louis Philip trouser.
Here is a colorful song in Slum area.
rowdies hit a small kid going on a cycle to school with their jeep. Chiranjeevi restrains them.
Here is a fight.
There is a labor roadside gal chukkama(Sameera reddy) stays opposite to chiranjeevi shop . She will looking at chiranjeevi in a different way and aspires him to be her man. There is some 5 min time so called comedy between tottigang and chukkama.
Here is a dream song for chukkama and chiranjeevi in Mongolia.
Acting in dramas is one of his hobbies and One peculiar behavior is a very specialist dancer. He will play the hero and the remaining characters by his tottigang and herione character by a stage artist. whenever he dances,rain will come(speciality of the hero). Chukkama was influenced by this peculiar dance from the begining. when the stage artist wasnt able to make out, chukkama plays the herione role which wants to be in real life also.
Another dream song in Thar desert with rain effect.
As there are no rains in the Rayalaseema region, CM requests Chiranjeevi to go to rayalaseema region and do his special dance performance there. Rayalaseema people hearing to this news gathers in crowds of tens to see the dance. He dances the special dance but there is no rain, then comes from the crowd achary(Tanikella bharani).He says there is no rain because he hasnt performed the death ceremony of his legendary father who served that land and the poor people.
Interval:
Flashback:
He is son of the legend kodamasimham who with his dance will bring floods. kodamasimham is a leader of the tribes in the forest. He is happily married to his uncle's daughter and blessed with boy and girl.There comes godzilla which brought terrors into the lifes of the people,hearing their sorrows, kodamasimham starts hunting for godzilla to save the people. After the day search, getting tired rests himself under a tree. There comes the Godzilla, which is exactly above the tree under which he is taking rest. Suddenly it attacks, fortunately Kodamasimham friend chilaka(Parrot) shits on Kodamasimham. He readily fights with the mighty godzilla with single hand and says Kodamsimham tho pettukunte chachipotav. Godzilla throws big big trees targetting Kodamasimham,he manages to escape,after 5 min fight godzilla is killed with his penknife.
There is a colorful song with a new heroine.
He thought godzilla died, but it is injured. It damages the festive atmosphere and starts killing people. kodamasimham wife sacrifices her life to save their kid and eventually that kid was taken over by one of the tribal person and leaves the kid in a parked lorry.godzilla attacks kodamasimham from the backside while we was saving people...atlast he will kill godzilla with a pen knife and in that battle loses his life........then the people will make chiru(son of the legendary kodamasimham) as the leader of that place ....
US president daughter bhumika bush visits india.there she came to know the heroic activities of the chiru and very much interested in him.the gal will fell in love with him...then she proposes him...chiru wont agree first...then as we guess he accepts....then he goes to US to talk to the president george bush...bush wont agree and will put him in jail for loving his daughter....while the presidents of the countries attend g-8 summit. presidents of countries are kidnapped by the people from the mars Chiranjeevi comes to know that presidents are kidnapped.within a min,he breaks all the shackles and escapes from the jail.chiru will go to NASA steals the rocket and flys to MARS.his rocket will be attacked by the aliens and rocket will be blasted...dont worry...chiru wont die.....before the rocket is on fire,he jumps out of the rocket and will jump on to the venus...then chiru will build a rocket(with the basic knowledge of making cycle) within a day and leaves towards Mars...there he enters into the place silently...one by one ,he will kill everybody...he throws a boomrang that will releive the presidents from shackles...then chiru will kill all the people in the Mars...Chiru with all the presidents starts from Mars to earth...at that time the rocket willl be in trouble...the rocket will loses its direction and goes opposite to the direction of the earth...then Chiru will come out of the rocket with his body on the opposite side of the rocket and with all his strength turns the direction of the rocket and drives the rocket to reach the earth safely .
With Chiru's adventures the US president will give his daughter.
Chiranjeevi Comes out with his wife in banian and lungie and says namaste.
Jeevi Review: 4.5/5
Excellent movie with adventures,excellent songs in beautiful Slum,Mangolia.
excellent photography especially fight with dinosaur and rcoket scene.
Creativity of Chiranjeevi in preparing a Rocket.
movie with patriotism included in the second half and great heroitic actions by father and son Characters done by Chiranjeevi.
That is why he is called MEGA STAR (Mogaluturu to Erragadda Gone in Ambulance)
1 day....500 theatres.
10 days...400 theatres.
20 days...200 theatres.
25 days...100 theatres.
30 days...50 theatres.
35 days...25 theatres.
40 days..10 theatres
45 days....5 theatres.
47 days....1 theatre.
48 day....No theatre.
have a great day......
Cast:chiranjeevi,Bhoomika,Sameera Reddy,...
Director: VijayaBhaskar
Producer: AswaniDutt
Introduction:
There comes a stranger asking about Chiranjeevi's Shop, with his 50 yrs Old cycle to get repaired. Chiranjeevi's associates(tottigang including bramhanandam,Sunil,MS,Dharmavarapu) asks doesnt he know Chiranjeevi's greatness.
Chiranjeevi is poor,runs a cycle shop in cyberabad.Lives in a little hut in Jubliee Hills. Tottigang and Chiranjeevi are like family members because they are Orphans. There comes Chiranjeevi on Enticer with Brand new crocodile shirt and Louis Philip trouser.
Here is a colorful song in Slum area.
rowdies hit a small kid going on a cycle to school with their jeep. Chiranjeevi restrains them.
Here is a fight.
There is a labor roadside gal chukkama(Sameera reddy) stays opposite to chiranjeevi shop . She will looking at chiranjeevi in a different way and aspires him to be her man. There is some 5 min time so called comedy between tottigang and chukkama.
Here is a dream song for chukkama and chiranjeevi in Mongolia.
Acting in dramas is one of his hobbies and One peculiar behavior is a very specialist dancer. He will play the hero and the remaining characters by his tottigang and herione character by a stage artist. whenever he dances,rain will come(speciality of the hero). Chukkama was influenced by this peculiar dance from the begining. when the stage artist wasnt able to make out, chukkama plays the herione role which wants to be in real life also.
Another dream song in Thar desert with rain effect.
As there are no rains in the Rayalaseema region, CM requests Chiranjeevi to go to rayalaseema region and do his special dance performance there. Rayalaseema people hearing to this news gathers in crowds of tens to see the dance. He dances the special dance but there is no rain, then comes from the crowd achary(Tanikella bharani).He says there is no rain because he hasnt performed the death ceremony of his legendary father who served that land and the poor people.
Interval:
Flashback:
He is son of the legend kodamasimham who with his dance will bring floods. kodamasimham is a leader of the tribes in the forest. He is happily married to his uncle's daughter and blessed with boy and girl.There comes godzilla which brought terrors into the lifes of the people,hearing their sorrows, kodamasimham starts hunting for godzilla to save the people. After the day search, getting tired rests himself under a tree. There comes the Godzilla, which is exactly above the tree under which he is taking rest. Suddenly it attacks, fortunately Kodamasimham friend chilaka(Parrot) shits on Kodamasimham. He readily fights with the mighty godzilla with single hand and says Kodamsimham tho pettukunte chachipotav. Godzilla throws big big trees targetting Kodamasimham,he manages to escape,after 5 min fight godzilla is killed with his penknife.
There is a colorful song with a new heroine.
He thought godzilla died, but it is injured. It damages the festive atmosphere and starts killing people. kodamasimham wife sacrifices her life to save their kid and eventually that kid was taken over by one of the tribal person and leaves the kid in a parked lorry.godzilla attacks kodamasimham from the backside while we was saving people...atlast he will kill godzilla with a pen knife and in that battle loses his life........then the people will make chiru(son of the legendary kodamasimham) as the leader of that place ....
US president daughter bhumika bush visits india.there she came to know the heroic activities of the chiru and very much interested in him.the gal will fell in love with him...then she proposes him...chiru wont agree first...then as we guess he accepts....then he goes to US to talk to the president george bush...bush wont agree and will put him in jail for loving his daughter....while the presidents of the countries attend g-8 summit. presidents of countries are kidnapped by the people from the mars Chiranjeevi comes to know that presidents are kidnapped.within a min,he breaks all the shackles and escapes from the jail.chiru will go to NASA steals the rocket and flys to MARS.his rocket will be attacked by the aliens and rocket will be blasted...dont worry...chiru wont die.....before the rocket is on fire,he jumps out of the rocket and will jump on to the venus...then chiru will build a rocket(with the basic knowledge of making cycle) within a day and leaves towards Mars...there he enters into the place silently...one by one ,he will kill everybody...he throws a boomrang that will releive the presidents from shackles...then chiru will kill all the people in the Mars...Chiru with all the presidents starts from Mars to earth...at that time the rocket willl be in trouble...the rocket will loses its direction and goes opposite to the direction of the earth...then Chiru will come out of the rocket with his body on the opposite side of the rocket and with all his strength turns the direction of the rocket and drives the rocket to reach the earth safely .
With Chiru's adventures the US president will give his daughter.
Chiranjeevi Comes out with his wife in banian and lungie and says namaste.
Jeevi Review: 4.5/5
Excellent movie with adventures,excellent songs in beautiful Slum,Mangolia.
excellent photography especially fight with dinosaur and rcoket scene.
Creativity of Chiranjeevi in preparing a Rocket.
movie with patriotism included in the second half and great heroitic actions by father and son Characters done by Chiranjeevi.
That is why he is called MEGA STAR (Mogaluturu to Erragadda Gone in Ambulance)
1 day....500 theatres.
10 days...400 theatres.
20 days...200 theatres.
25 days...100 theatres.
30 days...50 theatres.
35 days...25 theatres.
40 days..10 theatres
45 days....5 theatres.
47 days....1 theatre.
48 day....No theatre.
have a great day......
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Dear...
Dear Husband,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for
good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have
nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me
that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my
hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a
brand new negligee.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep
after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore,
you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you
don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are
moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your Ex-Wife
*****************************************************************
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's
true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a
good woman is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging.
Too bad it doesn't work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week. The
first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!", but
my mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything
nice.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because
the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence
that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that
morning and your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work
it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten
million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to
Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone!
Everything happens for a reason I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer
said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from
me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was
born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for
good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have
nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me
that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my
hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a
brand new negligee.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep
after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore,
you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you
don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are
moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your Ex-Wife
*****************************************************************
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's
true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a
good woman is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging.
Too bad it doesn't work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week. The
first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!", but
my mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything
nice.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because
the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence
that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that
morning and your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work
it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten
million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to
Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone!
Everything happens for a reason I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer
said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from
me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was
born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
Friday, November 04, 2005
poem on love
Its love that I live for
Its love for which I die
If anything on earth is worth standing for
Its my love for which I shall stand by
Love is the tenderness of a woman’s bosom
When enraged could raise a tempest
And flourishes like the spring’s blossom
Over the millennia had withstood many tests
Only love produces the courage
In men who fight the world
And maidens with pure hearts and souls
Who give their life without a word
Everything of this world is mortal
Except the love which is eternal
And I am proud to be a lover
For I have reason to live and die for
courtesy: 360.yahoo.com, blog of priya
Its love for which I die
If anything on earth is worth standing for
Its my love for which I shall stand by
Love is the tenderness of a woman’s bosom
When enraged could raise a tempest
And flourishes like the spring’s blossom
Over the millennia had withstood many tests
Only love produces the courage
In men who fight the world
And maidens with pure hearts and souls
Who give their life without a word
Everything of this world is mortal
Except the love which is eternal
And I am proud to be a lover
For I have reason to live and die for
courtesy: 360.yahoo.com, blog of priya
Jeffrey Archer Books
http://rapidshare.de/files/1033215/Archer__Jeffrey_-_Kane_And_Abel.zip.html
http://rapidshare.de/files/1033177/Archer__Jeffrey_-_A_Matter_of_Honor.zip.html
http://rapidshare.de/files/1028462/Archer__Jeffrey__-_As_the_Crow_Flies.zip.html
http://rapidshare.de/files/1192270/Jeffrey_Archer_-_A_Quiver_Full_Of_Arrows__txt_.txt.html
http://rapidshare.de/files/1192249/Jeffrey_Archer_-_twelve_red_herrings_txt_.txt.html
http://rapidshare.de/files/1192220/Jeffrey_Archer_-_To_Cut_A_Long_Story_Short_pdf_.pdf.html
http://rapidshare.de/files/1033177/Archer__Jeffrey_-_A_Matter_of_Honor.zip.html
http://rapidshare.de/files/1028462/Archer__Jeffrey__-_As_the_Crow_Flies.zip.html
http://rapidshare.de/files/1192270/Jeffrey_Archer_-_A_Quiver_Full_Of_Arrows__txt_.txt.html
http://rapidshare.de/files/1192249/Jeffrey_Archer_-_twelve_red_herrings_txt_.txt.html
http://rapidshare.de/files/1192220/Jeffrey_Archer_-_To_Cut_A_Long_Story_Short_pdf_.pdf.html
Monday, October 24, 2005
messenger status quotes
If electricty comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Moblie phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest
A friend will bail u out of jail, but a best friend will be there with u saying, Damn that was fun!
Trying is the first step towards failure
If you hate me, I love you too. It ain't my fault I'm better than you
If you are drinking to forget, pay in advance
The funny thing about Common sense is that it's not very common
I Dont Like The Drugs, But The Drugs Like Me
Save a horse, ride a Cowboy!
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people
I'm the girl your parents warned you about
I'm fat, but your ugly. I can diet
I'm cool, I'm hot....I'm everything you're not
I have lost my phone number, can I have yours?
Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me
One night the moon said to me, if love makes you cry why dont you leave your lover. I looked back at moon and said would u ever leave your sky
I'm in a good mood don't ruin it by chatting (BRB)
The more I learn, the more I forget. So why would I learn?
:S When I first talked to you, I was afraid to hold u, when I held u, I was afraid to love u, now that I love you I am afraid to lose you! :S
(L) Love is like quicksand… the deeper you fall in the harder it is to get out!(L)
Love is like sand if you hold on too tight it might slip away
Diamond was just a coal that did well under perssure
My calculations are U+ME=US!
(B) Don’t drink and drive you could spill your drink! (B)
The rich get richer and the poor get children
I would tell ya to go to hell but all dogs go to heaven
Take my advice...I don't need it anyways
Fat people are harder to kidnap
I know that you know that I know that you think I'm the best, that's why you never tell me
You're unique, just like everyone else....
Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods
Don't be impressed by anyone make yourself that people should be impressed by you!
Im like a parking ticket, I have 'FINE' written all over me!
Diamonds are a girls best friend
Time is what keeps things from happening all at once
He's lookin so fine, he's gonna be mine
Those who know do not say, those who say do not know
The higher you are, the farther you fall
A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else
There are more fish in the sea but watch out for tha sharks
I didn't ask to be a princess... I asked to be a queen...
If you hate me, i love you too. It ain't my fault i'm better than you
I want to be a millionaire!
If your name was homework, I'd be doing you on my desk right now...
The shortest word for me is I, the sweetest word for me is LOVE, but the only word for me is YOU
My mother told me not to talk to stranger, I odn't talk to myself anymore!
Every step you take, Every move you make, I'll be missin' you!
Can I go thru your closet...I need a halloween costume!
I only play soccer on days that end in y!
Most people walk in and out of you life. But only friends leave footprints in your heart
Dont steal, the government hates competition
It's Not The Size Of The Boat its the motion of the ocean
I'm SOOOO hot that when I go Outside The Snow Melts
When I Walk In The Room All The gUys Look In My Direction... BUt Can I Blame Them I'm Pure Prefection
Sweet By Light..........Naughty By Night
There used to be men on dis earth ... what happened?
Why is it i must climb thousands of moutains to get to u and all u gotta do is smile
Love must be a game that I always loose
Moving on is simple... its what u leave behind thats so hard
It takes a few second to say hello, but forever to say goodbye
If u cant deal wid it .. dont pretend
Dont walk in front of me ... i may not follow. dont walk behind me i may not lead, just walk beside me and be my buddy
Moblie phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest
A friend will bail u out of jail, but a best friend will be there with u saying, Damn that was fun!
Trying is the first step towards failure
If you hate me, I love you too. It ain't my fault I'm better than you
If you are drinking to forget, pay in advance
The funny thing about Common sense is that it's not very common
I Dont Like The Drugs, But The Drugs Like Me
Save a horse, ride a Cowboy!
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people
I'm the girl your parents warned you about
I'm fat, but your ugly. I can diet
I'm cool, I'm hot....I'm everything you're not
I have lost my phone number, can I have yours?
Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me
One night the moon said to me, if love makes you cry why dont you leave your lover. I looked back at moon and said would u ever leave your sky
I'm in a good mood don't ruin it by chatting (BRB)
The more I learn, the more I forget. So why would I learn?
:S When I first talked to you, I was afraid to hold u, when I held u, I was afraid to love u, now that I love you I am afraid to lose you! :S
(L) Love is like quicksand… the deeper you fall in the harder it is to get out!(L)
Love is like sand if you hold on too tight it might slip away
Diamond was just a coal that did well under perssure
My calculations are U+ME=US!
(B) Don’t drink and drive you could spill your drink! (B)
The rich get richer and the poor get children
I would tell ya to go to hell but all dogs go to heaven
Take my advice...I don't need it anyways
Fat people are harder to kidnap
I know that you know that I know that you think I'm the best, that's why you never tell me
You're unique, just like everyone else....
Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods
Don't be impressed by anyone make yourself that people should be impressed by you!
Im like a parking ticket, I have 'FINE' written all over me!
Diamonds are a girls best friend
Time is what keeps things from happening all at once
He's lookin so fine, he's gonna be mine
Those who know do not say, those who say do not know
The higher you are, the farther you fall
A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else
There are more fish in the sea but watch out for tha sharks
I didn't ask to be a princess... I asked to be a queen...
If you hate me, i love you too. It ain't my fault i'm better than you
I want to be a millionaire!
If your name was homework, I'd be doing you on my desk right now...
The shortest word for me is I, the sweetest word for me is LOVE, but the only word for me is YOU
My mother told me not to talk to stranger, I odn't talk to myself anymore!
Every step you take, Every move you make, I'll be missin' you!
Can I go thru your closet...I need a halloween costume!
I only play soccer on days that end in y!
Most people walk in and out of you life. But only friends leave footprints in your heart
Dont steal, the government hates competition
It's Not The Size Of The Boat its the motion of the ocean
I'm SOOOO hot that when I go Outside The Snow Melts
When I Walk In The Room All The gUys Look In My Direction... BUt Can I Blame Them I'm Pure Prefection
Sweet By Light..........Naughty By Night
There used to be men on dis earth ... what happened?
Why is it i must climb thousands of moutains to get to u and all u gotta do is smile
Love must be a game that I always loose
Moving on is simple... its what u leave behind thats so hard
It takes a few second to say hello, but forever to say goodbye
If u cant deal wid it .. dont pretend
Dont walk in front of me ... i may not follow. dont walk behind me i may not lead, just walk beside me and be my buddy
chat abbreviations
Abbreviation Meaning
<3 heart
404 I haven't a clue
ADN Any day now
AFAIK As far as I know
AFK Away from keyboard
ARE Acronym-rich environment
ASAP As soon as possible
A/S/L? Age/sex/location?
B4N Bye for now
BAK Back at the keyboard
BAS Big a** smile
BBIAB Be back in a bit
BBL Be back later
BBN Bye bye now
BBS Be back soon
BEG Big evil grin
BF Boy friend
BFD Big f***ing deal
BFN Bye for now
BG Big grin
BIBO Beer in, beer out
BIOYIOP Blow it out your I/O port
BL Belly laughing
BMGWL Busting my gut with laughter
BOTEC Back-of-the-envelope calculation
BRB Be right back
BTA But then again...
BTDT Been there, done that
BTW By the way
BWL Bursting with laughter
BWTHDIK But what the heck do I know...?
CICO Coffee in, coffee out
C&G Chuckle and grin
CNP Continued in next post
CRB Come right back
CRBT Crying real big tears
CU See you
CUL See you later
CUL8ER See you later
CYA See ya
CYA Cover your ass
CYO See you online
DBA Doing business as
DFLA Disenhanced four-letter acronym (that is, a TLA)
DL Dead link
DLTBBB Don't let the bed bugs bite
DIKU Do I know you?
DITYID Did I tell you I'm distressed?
DOM Dirty old man
DOS Dozing off soon
DQMOT Don't quote me on this
DTRT Do the right thing
DWB Don't write back
EG Evil grin
EMFBI Excuse me for butting in
EMSG E-mail message
EOM End of message
EOT End of thread (meaning: end of discussion)
ETLA Extended three-letter acronym (that is, an FLA)
F2F Face to face
FAQ Frequently-ask question(s)
FC Fingers crossed
FISH First in, still here
FLA Four-letter acronym
FMTYEWTK Far more than you ever wanted to know
FOMCL Falling off my chair laughing
FTBOMH From the bottom of my heart
FUBAR F***ed up beyond all repair or recognition
FUD Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt
FWIW For what it's worth
FYI For your information
G Grin
GA Go ahead
GAL Get a life
GIGO Garbage in, garbage out
GD&R Grinning, ducking, and running
GF Girlfriend
GFN Gone for now
GGP Gotta go pee
GIWIST Gee, I wish I'd said that
GL Good luck
GMAB Give me a break
GMTA Great minds think alike
GOL Giggling out loud
GTRM Going to read mail
GTSY Glad to see you
H&K Hug and kiss
HAGN Have a good night
HAND Have a nice day
HHIS Hanging head in shame
HIG How's it going
HT Hi there
HTH Hope this helps
HUB Head up butt
IAC In any case
IAE In any event
IANAL I am not a lawyer (but)
IC I see
IGP I gotta pee
IHA I hate acronyms
IHU I hear you
IIRC If I recall/remember/recollect correctly
ILU or ILY I love you
IM Immediate message
IMCO In my considered opinion
IMHO In my humble opinion
IMing Chatting with someone online usually while doing other things such as playing trivia or other interactive game
IMNSHO In my not so humble opinion
IMO In my opinion
IMS I am sorry
IOW In other words
IPN I'm posting naked
IRL In real life (that is, when not chatting)
ITIGBS I think I'm going to be sick
IWALU I will always love you
IYSWIM If you see what I mean
J4G Just for grins
JBOD Just a bunch of disks (like redundant array of independent disks, etc.)
JIC Just in case
JK Just kidding
JMO Just my opinion
JTLYK Just to let you know
KISS Keep it simple stupid
KIT Keep in touch
KOTC Kiss on the cheek
KOTL Kiss on the lips
KWIM? Know what I mean?
L8R Later
L8R G8R Later gator
LD Later, dude
LDR Long-distance relationship
LHO Laughing head off
LLTA Lots and lots of thunderous applause
LMAO Laughing my a** off
LMSO Laughing my socks off
LOL Laughing out loud
LRF Little Rubber Feet (the little pads on the bottom of displays and other equipment)
LSHMBH Laughing so hard my belly hurts
LTM Laugh to myself
LTNS Long time no see
LTR Long-term relationship
LULAB Love you like a brother
LULAS Love you like a sister
LUWAMH Love you with all my heart
LY Love ya
LY4E Love ya forever
MorF Male or female
MOSS Member of the same sex
MOTOS Member of the opposite sex
MTF More to follow
MUSM Miss you so much
NADT Not a darn thing
NFG No f*****g good
NFW No feasible way or no f*****g way
NIFOC Naked in front of computer
NP or N/P No problem
NRN No response necessary
OIC Oh, I see
OLL Online love
OMG Oh my God
OTF Off the floor
OTOH On the other hand
OTTOMH Off the top of my head
PANS Pretty awesome new stuff (as opposed to "POTS")
PAW Parents are watching
PCMCIA People can't master computer industry acronyms
PDA Public display of affection
PEBCAK Problem exists between chair and keyboard
PIBKAC Problem is between keyboard and chair
PITA Pain in the ass
PM Private message
PMFJIB Pardon me for jumping in but...
POAHF Put on a happy face
::POOF:: Goodbye (leaving the room)
POTS Plain old telephone service
PU That stinks!
QT Cutie
RL Real life (that is, when not chatting)
ROR Raffing out roud (Engrish for "laughing out loud")
ROTFL Rolling on the floor laughing
ROTFLMAO Rolling on the floor laughing my a** off
ROTFLMAOWPIMP Rolling on the floor laughing my a** off while peeing in my pants
ROTFLMBO Rolling on the floor laughing my butt off
RPG Role-playing games
RSN Real soon now
RT Real time
RTFM Read the f***ing manual
RYO Roll your own (write your own program; derived from cigarettes rolled yourself with tobacco and paper)
S^ S'up - what's up
S4L Spam for life (what you may get when you become someone's customer or client)
SHCOON Shoot hot coffee out of nose
SEG S***-eating grin
SETE Smiling ear to ear
SF Surfer-friendly (low-graphics Web site)
SHID Slaps head in disgust
SNAFU Situation normal, all f***ed up
SO Significant other
SOL Smilling out loud or sh*t out of luck
SOMY Sick of me yet?
SOT Short on time
SOTMG Short on time must go
STFW Search the f*****g Web
STW Search the Web
SU Shut up
SUAKM Shut up and kiss me
SUP What's up
SWAG Stupid wild-a** guess
SWAK Sealed with a kiss
SWL Screaming with laughter
SYS See you soon
TA Thanks again
TAFN That's all for now
TANSTAAFL There ain't no such thing as a free lunch
TCOY Take care of yourself
TFH Thread from hell (a discussion that just won't die and is often irrelevant to the purpose of the forum or group)
TGIF Thank God it's Friday
THX Thanks
TIA Thanks in advance (used if you post a question and are expecting a helpful reply)
TILII Tell it like it is
TLA Three-letter acronym
TLK2UL8R Talk to you later
TMI Too much information
TNT Till next time
TOPCA Til our paths cross again (early Celtic chat term)
TOY Thinking of you
TPTB The powers that be
TTFN Ta-Ta for now
TTT Thought that, too (when someone types in what you were about to type)
TTYL Talk to you later
TU Thank you
TY Thank you
UAPITA You're a pain in the ass
UW You're welcome
VBG Very big grin
VBSEG Very big s***-eating grin
WAG Wild a** guess
WAYD What are you doing
WB Welcome back
WBS Write back soon
WDALYIC Who died and left you in charge?
WEG Wicked evil grin
WFM Works for me
WIBNI Wouldn't it be nice if
WT? What/who the ?
WTFO What the F***! Over!
WTG Way to go!
WTGP? Want to go private?
WU? What's up?
WYSITWIRL What you see is TOTALLY WORTHLESS IN REAL LIFE!
WUF? Where are you from?
WYSIWYG What you see is what you get
YBS You'll be sorry
YGBSM You gotta be s***tin' me!
YMMV Your mileage may vary.
YW You're welcome
<3 heart
404 I haven't a clue
ADN Any day now
AFAIK As far as I know
AFK Away from keyboard
ARE Acronym-rich environment
ASAP As soon as possible
A/S/L? Age/sex/location?
B4N Bye for now
BAK Back at the keyboard
BAS Big a** smile
BBIAB Be back in a bit
BBL Be back later
BBN Bye bye now
BBS Be back soon
BEG Big evil grin
BF Boy friend
BFD Big f***ing deal
BFN Bye for now
BG Big grin
BIBO Beer in, beer out
BIOYIOP Blow it out your I/O port
BL Belly laughing
BMGWL Busting my gut with laughter
BOTEC Back-of-the-envelope calculation
BRB Be right back
BTA But then again...
BTDT Been there, done that
BTW By the way
BWL Bursting with laughter
BWTHDIK But what the heck do I know...?
CICO Coffee in, coffee out
C&G Chuckle and grin
CNP Continued in next post
CRB Come right back
CRBT Crying real big tears
CU See you
CUL See you later
CUL8ER See you later
CYA See ya
CYA Cover your ass
CYO See you online
DBA Doing business as
DFLA Disenhanced four-letter acronym (that is, a TLA)
DL Dead link
DLTBBB Don't let the bed bugs bite
DIKU Do I know you?
DITYID Did I tell you I'm distressed?
DOM Dirty old man
DOS Dozing off soon
DQMOT Don't quote me on this
DTRT Do the right thing
DWB Don't write back
EG Evil grin
EMFBI Excuse me for butting in
EMSG E-mail message
EOM End of message
EOT End of thread (meaning: end of discussion)
ETLA Extended three-letter acronym (that is, an FLA)
F2F Face to face
FAQ Frequently-ask question(s)
FC Fingers crossed
FISH First in, still here
FLA Four-letter acronym
FMTYEWTK Far more than you ever wanted to know
FOMCL Falling off my chair laughing
FTBOMH From the bottom of my heart
FUBAR F***ed up beyond all repair or recognition
FUD Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt
FWIW For what it's worth
FYI For your information
G Grin
GA Go ahead
GAL Get a life
GIGO Garbage in, garbage out
GD&R Grinning, ducking, and running
GF Girlfriend
GFN Gone for now
GGP Gotta go pee
GIWIST Gee, I wish I'd said that
GL Good luck
GMAB Give me a break
GMTA Great minds think alike
GOL Giggling out loud
GTRM Going to read mail
GTSY Glad to see you
H&K Hug and kiss
HAGN Have a good night
HAND Have a nice day
HHIS Hanging head in shame
HIG How's it going
HT Hi there
HTH Hope this helps
HUB Head up butt
IAC In any case
IAE In any event
IANAL I am not a lawyer (but)
IC I see
IGP I gotta pee
IHA I hate acronyms
IHU I hear you
IIRC If I recall/remember/recollect correctly
ILU or ILY I love you
IM Immediate message
IMCO In my considered opinion
IMHO In my humble opinion
IMing Chatting with someone online usually while doing other things such as playing trivia or other interactive game
IMNSHO In my not so humble opinion
IMO In my opinion
IMS I am sorry
IOW In other words
IPN I'm posting naked
IRL In real life (that is, when not chatting)
ITIGBS I think I'm going to be sick
IWALU I will always love you
IYSWIM If you see what I mean
J4G Just for grins
JBOD Just a bunch of disks (like redundant array of independent disks, etc.)
JIC Just in case
JK Just kidding
JMO Just my opinion
JTLYK Just to let you know
KISS Keep it simple stupid
KIT Keep in touch
KOTC Kiss on the cheek
KOTL Kiss on the lips
KWIM? Know what I mean?
L8R Later
L8R G8R Later gator
LD Later, dude
LDR Long-distance relationship
LHO Laughing head off
LLTA Lots and lots of thunderous applause
LMAO Laughing my a** off
LMSO Laughing my socks off
LOL Laughing out loud
LRF Little Rubber Feet (the little pads on the bottom of displays and other equipment)
LSHMBH Laughing so hard my belly hurts
LTM Laugh to myself
LTNS Long time no see
LTR Long-term relationship
LULAB Love you like a brother
LULAS Love you like a sister
LUWAMH Love you with all my heart
LY Love ya
LY4E Love ya forever
MorF Male or female
MOSS Member of the same sex
MOTOS Member of the opposite sex
MTF More to follow
MUSM Miss you so much
NADT Not a darn thing
NFG No f*****g good
NFW No feasible way or no f*****g way
NIFOC Naked in front of computer
NP or N/P No problem
NRN No response necessary
OIC Oh, I see
OLL Online love
OMG Oh my God
OTF Off the floor
OTOH On the other hand
OTTOMH Off the top of my head
PANS Pretty awesome new stuff (as opposed to "POTS")
PAW Parents are watching
PCMCIA People can't master computer industry acronyms
PDA Public display of affection
PEBCAK Problem exists between chair and keyboard
PIBKAC Problem is between keyboard and chair
PITA Pain in the ass
PM Private message
PMFJIB Pardon me for jumping in but...
POAHF Put on a happy face
::POOF:: Goodbye (leaving the room)
POTS Plain old telephone service
PU That stinks!
QT Cutie
RL Real life (that is, when not chatting)
ROR Raffing out roud (Engrish for "laughing out loud")
ROTFL Rolling on the floor laughing
ROTFLMAO Rolling on the floor laughing my a** off
ROTFLMAOWPIMP Rolling on the floor laughing my a** off while peeing in my pants
ROTFLMBO Rolling on the floor laughing my butt off
RPG Role-playing games
RSN Real soon now
RT Real time
RTFM Read the f***ing manual
RYO Roll your own (write your own program; derived from cigarettes rolled yourself with tobacco and paper)
S^ S'up - what's up
S4L Spam for life (what you may get when you become someone's customer or client)
SHCOON Shoot hot coffee out of nose
SEG S***-eating grin
SETE Smiling ear to ear
SF Surfer-friendly (low-graphics Web site)
SHID Slaps head in disgust
SNAFU Situation normal, all f***ed up
SO Significant other
SOL Smilling out loud or sh*t out of luck
SOMY Sick of me yet?
SOT Short on time
SOTMG Short on time must go
STFW Search the f*****g Web
STW Search the Web
SU Shut up
SUAKM Shut up and kiss me
SUP What's up
SWAG Stupid wild-a** guess
SWAK Sealed with a kiss
SWL Screaming with laughter
SYS See you soon
TA Thanks again
TAFN That's all for now
TANSTAAFL There ain't no such thing as a free lunch
TCOY Take care of yourself
TFH Thread from hell (a discussion that just won't die and is often irrelevant to the purpose of the forum or group)
TGIF Thank God it's Friday
THX Thanks
TIA Thanks in advance (used if you post a question and are expecting a helpful reply)
TILII Tell it like it is
TLA Three-letter acronym
TLK2UL8R Talk to you later
TMI Too much information
TNT Till next time
TOPCA Til our paths cross again (early Celtic chat term)
TOY Thinking of you
TPTB The powers that be
TTFN Ta-Ta for now
TTT Thought that, too (when someone types in what you were about to type)
TTYL Talk to you later
TU Thank you
TY Thank you
UAPITA You're a pain in the ass
UW You're welcome
VBG Very big grin
VBSEG Very big s***-eating grin
WAG Wild a** guess
WAYD What are you doing
WB Welcome back
WBS Write back soon
WDALYIC Who died and left you in charge?
WEG Wicked evil grin
WFM Works for me
WIBNI Wouldn't it be nice if
WT? What/who the ?
WTFO What the F***! Over!
WTG Way to go!
WTGP? Want to go private?
WU? What's up?
WYSITWIRL What you see is TOTALLY WORTHLESS IN REAL LIFE!
WUF? Where are you from?
WYSIWYG What you see is what you get
YBS You'll be sorry
YGBSM You gotta be s***tin' me!
YMMV Your mileage may vary.
YW You're welcome
chat abbreviations
Abbreviation Meaning
<3 heart
404 I haven't a clue
ADN Any day now
AFAIK As far as I know
AFK Away from keyboard
ARE Acronym-rich environment
ASAP As soon as possible
A/S/L? Age/sex/location?
B4N Bye for now
BAK Back at the keyboard
BAS Big a** smile
BBIAB Be back in a bit
BBL Be back later
BBN Bye bye now
BBS Be back soon
BEG Big evil grin
BF Boy friend
BFD Big f***ing deal
BFN Bye for now
BG Big grin
BIBO Beer in, beer out
BIOYIOP Blow it out your I/O port
BL Belly laughing
BMGWL Busting my gut with laughter
BOTEC Back-of-the-envelope calculation
BRB Be right back
BTA But then again...
BTDT Been there, done that
BTW By the way
BWL Bursting with laughter
BWTHDIK But what the heck do I know...?
CICO Coffee in, coffee out
C&G Chuckle and grin
CNP Continued in next post
CRB Come right back
CRBT Crying real big tears
CU See you
CUL See you later
CUL8ER See you later
CYA See ya
CYA Cover your ass
CYO See you online
DBA Doing business as
DFLA Disenhanced four-letter acronym (that is, a TLA)
DL Dead link
DLTBBB Don't let the bed bugs bite
DIKU Do I know you?
DITYID Did I tell you I'm distressed?
DOM Dirty old man
DOS Dozing off soon
DQMOT Don't quote me on this
DTRT Do the right thing
DWB Don't write back
EG Evil grin
EMFBI Excuse me for butting in
EMSG E-mail message
EOM End of message
EOT End of thread (meaning: end of discussion)
ETLA Extended three-letter acronym (that is, an FLA)
F2F Face to face
FAQ Frequently-ask question(s)
FC Fingers crossed
FISH First in, still here
FLA Four-letter acronym
FMTYEWTK Far more than you ever wanted to know
FOMCL Falling off my chair laughing
FTBOMH From the bottom of my heart
FUBAR F***ed up beyond all repair or recognition
FUD Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt
FWIW For what it's worth
FYI For your information
G Grin
GA Go ahead
GAL Get a life
GIGO Garbage in, garbage out
GD&R Grinning, ducking, and running
GF Girlfriend
GFN Gone for now
GGP Gotta go pee
GIWIST Gee, I wish I'd said that
GL Good luck
GMAB Give me a break
GMTA Great minds think alike
GOL Giggling out loud
GTRM Going to read mail
GTSY Glad to see you
H&K Hug and kiss
HAGN Have a good night
HAND Have a nice day
HHIS Hanging head in shame
HIG How's it going
HT Hi there
HTH Hope this helps
HUB Head up butt
IAC In any case
IAE In any event
IANAL I am not a lawyer (but)
IC I see
IGP I gotta pee
IHA I hate acronyms
IHU I hear you
IIRC If I recall/remember/recollect correctly
ILU or ILY I love you
IM Immediate message
IMCO In my considered opinion
IMHO In my humble opinion
IMing Chatting with someone online usually while doing other things such as playing trivia or other interactive game
IMNSHO In my not so humble opinion
IMO In my opinion
IMS I am sorry
IOW In other words
IPN I'm posting naked
IRL In real life (that is, when not chatting)
ITIGBS I think I'm going to be sick
IWALU I will always love you
IYSWIM If you see what I mean
J4G Just for grins
JBOD Just a bunch of disks (like redundant array of independent disks, etc.)
JIC Just in case
JK Just kidding
JMO Just my opinion
JTLYK Just to let you know
KISS Keep it simple stupid
KIT Keep in touch
KOTC Kiss on the cheek
KOTL Kiss on the lips
KWIM? Know what I mean?
L8R Later
L8R G8R Later gator
LD Later, dude
LDR Long-distance relationship
LHO Laughing head off
LLTA Lots and lots of thunderous applause
LMAO Laughing my a** off
LMSO Laughing my socks off
LOL Laughing out loud
LRF Little Rubber Feet (the little pads on the bottom of displays and other equipment)
LSHMBH Laughing so hard my belly hurts
LTM Laugh to myself
LTNS Long time no see
LTR Long-term relationship
LULAB Love you like a brother
LULAS Love you like a sister
LUWAMH Love you with all my heart
LY Love ya
LY4E Love ya forever
MorF Male or female
MOSS Member of the same sex
MOTOS Member of the opposite sex
MTF More to follow
MUSM Miss you so much
NADT Not a darn thing
NFG No f*****g good
NFW No feasible way or no f*****g way
NIFOC Naked in front of computer
NP or N/P No problem
NRN No response necessary
OIC Oh, I see
OLL Online love
OMG Oh my God
OTF Off the floor
OTOH On the other hand
OTTOMH Off the top of my head
PANS Pretty awesome new stuff (as opposed to "POTS")
PAW Parents are watching
PCMCIA People can't master computer industry acronyms
PDA Public display of affection
PEBCAK Problem exists between chair and keyboard
PIBKAC Problem is between keyboard and chair
PITA Pain in the ass
PM Private message
PMFJIB Pardon me for jumping in but...
POAHF Put on a happy face
::POOF:: Goodbye (leaving the room)
POTS Plain old telephone service
PU That stinks!
QT Cutie
RL Real life (that is, when not chatting)
ROR Raffing out roud (Engrish for "laughing out loud")
ROTFL Rolling on the floor laughing
ROTFLMAO Rolling on the floor laughing my a** off
ROTFLMAOWPIMP Rolling on the floor laughing my a** off while peeing in my pants
ROTFLMBO Rolling on the floor laughing my butt off
RPG Role-playing games
RSN Real soon now
RT Real time
RTFM Read the f***ing manual
RYO Roll your own (write your own program; derived from cigarettes rolled yourself with tobacco and paper)
S^ S'up - what's up
S4L Spam for life (what you may get when you become someone's customer or client)
SHCOON Shoot hot coffee out of nose
SEG S***-eating grin
SETE Smiling ear to ear
SF Surfer-friendly (low-graphics Web site)
SHID Slaps head in disgust
SNAFU Situation normal, all f***ed up
SO Significant other
SOL Smilling out loud or sh*t out of luck
SOMY Sick of me yet?
SOT Short on time
SOTMG Short on time must go
STFW Search the f*****g Web
STW Search the Web
SU Shut up
SUAKM Shut up and kiss me
SUP What's up
SWAG Stupid wild-a** guess
SWAK Sealed with a kiss
SWL Screaming with laughter
SYS See you soon
TA Thanks again
TAFN That's all for now
TANSTAAFL There ain't no such thing as a free lunch
TCOY Take care of yourself
TFH Thread from hell (a discussion that just won't die and is often irrelevant to the purpose of the forum or group)
TGIF Thank God it's Friday
THX Thanks
TIA Thanks in advance (used if you post a question and are expecting a helpful reply)
TILII Tell it like it is
TLA Three-letter acronym
TLK2UL8R Talk to you later
TMI Too much information
TNT Till next time
TOPCA Til our paths cross again (early Celtic chat term)
TOY Thinking of you
TPTB The powers that be
TTFN Ta-Ta for now
TTT Thought that, too (when someone types in what you were about to type)
TTYL Talk to you later
TU Thank you
TY Thank you
UAPITA You're a pain in the ass
UW You're welcome
VBG Very big grin
VBSEG Very big s***-eating grin
WAG Wild a** guess
WAYD What are you doing
WB Welcome back
WBS Write back soon
WDALYIC Who died and left you in charge?
WEG Wicked evil grin
WFM Works for me
WIBNI Wouldn't it be nice if
WT? What/who the ?
WTFO What the F***! Over!
WTG Way to go!
WTGP? Want to go private?
WU? What's up?
WYSITWIRL What you see is TOTALLY WORTHLESS IN REAL LIFE!
WUF? Where are you from?
WYSIWYG What you see is what you get
YBS You'll be sorry
YGBSM You gotta be s***tin' me!
YMMV Your mileage may vary.
YW You're welcome
<3 heart
404 I haven't a clue
ADN Any day now
AFAIK As far as I know
AFK Away from keyboard
ARE Acronym-rich environment
ASAP As soon as possible
A/S/L? Age/sex/location?
B4N Bye for now
BAK Back at the keyboard
BAS Big a** smile
BBIAB Be back in a bit
BBL Be back later
BBN Bye bye now
BBS Be back soon
BEG Big evil grin
BF Boy friend
BFD Big f***ing deal
BFN Bye for now
BG Big grin
BIBO Beer in, beer out
BIOYIOP Blow it out your I/O port
BL Belly laughing
BMGWL Busting my gut with laughter
BOTEC Back-of-the-envelope calculation
BRB Be right back
BTA But then again...
BTDT Been there, done that
BTW By the way
BWL Bursting with laughter
BWTHDIK But what the heck do I know...?
CICO Coffee in, coffee out
C&G Chuckle and grin
CNP Continued in next post
CRB Come right back
CRBT Crying real big tears
CU See you
CUL See you later
CUL8ER See you later
CYA See ya
CYA Cover your ass
CYO See you online
DBA Doing business as
DFLA Disenhanced four-letter acronym (that is, a TLA)
DL Dead link
DLTBBB Don't let the bed bugs bite
DIKU Do I know you?
DITYID Did I tell you I'm distressed?
DOM Dirty old man
DOS Dozing off soon
DQMOT Don't quote me on this
DTRT Do the right thing
DWB Don't write back
EG Evil grin
EMFBI Excuse me for butting in
EMSG E-mail message
EOM End of message
EOT End of thread (meaning: end of discussion)
ETLA Extended three-letter acronym (that is, an FLA)
F2F Face to face
FAQ Frequently-ask question(s)
FC Fingers crossed
FISH First in, still here
FLA Four-letter acronym
FMTYEWTK Far more than you ever wanted to know
FOMCL Falling off my chair laughing
FTBOMH From the bottom of my heart
FUBAR F***ed up beyond all repair or recognition
FUD Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt
FWIW For what it's worth
FYI For your information
G Grin
GA Go ahead
GAL Get a life
GIGO Garbage in, garbage out
GD&R Grinning, ducking, and running
GF Girlfriend
GFN Gone for now
GGP Gotta go pee
GIWIST Gee, I wish I'd said that
GL Good luck
GMAB Give me a break
GMTA Great minds think alike
GOL Giggling out loud
GTRM Going to read mail
GTSY Glad to see you
H&K Hug and kiss
HAGN Have a good night
HAND Have a nice day
HHIS Hanging head in shame
HIG How's it going
HT Hi there
HTH Hope this helps
HUB Head up butt
IAC In any case
IAE In any event
IANAL I am not a lawyer (but)
IC I see
IGP I gotta pee
IHA I hate acronyms
IHU I hear you
IIRC If I recall/remember/recollect correctly
ILU or ILY I love you
IM Immediate message
IMCO In my considered opinion
IMHO In my humble opinion
IMing Chatting with someone online usually while doing other things such as playing trivia or other interactive game
IMNSHO In my not so humble opinion
IMO In my opinion
IMS I am sorry
IOW In other words
IPN I'm posting naked
IRL In real life (that is, when not chatting)
ITIGBS I think I'm going to be sick
IWALU I will always love you
IYSWIM If you see what I mean
J4G Just for grins
JBOD Just a bunch of disks (like redundant array of independent disks, etc.)
JIC Just in case
JK Just kidding
JMO Just my opinion
JTLYK Just to let you know
KISS Keep it simple stupid
KIT Keep in touch
KOTC Kiss on the cheek
KOTL Kiss on the lips
KWIM? Know what I mean?
L8R Later
L8R G8R Later gator
LD Later, dude
LDR Long-distance relationship
LHO Laughing head off
LLTA Lots and lots of thunderous applause
LMAO Laughing my a** off
LMSO Laughing my socks off
LOL Laughing out loud
LRF Little Rubber Feet (the little pads on the bottom of displays and other equipment)
LSHMBH Laughing so hard my belly hurts
LTM Laugh to myself
LTNS Long time no see
LTR Long-term relationship
LULAB Love you like a brother
LULAS Love you like a sister
LUWAMH Love you with all my heart
LY Love ya
LY4E Love ya forever
MorF Male or female
MOSS Member of the same sex
MOTOS Member of the opposite sex
MTF More to follow
MUSM Miss you so much
NADT Not a darn thing
NFG No f*****g good
NFW No feasible way or no f*****g way
NIFOC Naked in front of computer
NP or N/P No problem
NRN No response necessary
OIC Oh, I see
OLL Online love
OMG Oh my God
OTF Off the floor
OTOH On the other hand
OTTOMH Off the top of my head
PANS Pretty awesome new stuff (as opposed to "POTS")
PAW Parents are watching
PCMCIA People can't master computer industry acronyms
PDA Public display of affection
PEBCAK Problem exists between chair and keyboard
PIBKAC Problem is between keyboard and chair
PITA Pain in the ass
PM Private message
PMFJIB Pardon me for jumping in but...
POAHF Put on a happy face
::POOF:: Goodbye (leaving the room)
POTS Plain old telephone service
PU That stinks!
QT Cutie
RL Real life (that is, when not chatting)
ROR Raffing out roud (Engrish for "laughing out loud")
ROTFL Rolling on the floor laughing
ROTFLMAO Rolling on the floor laughing my a** off
ROTFLMAOWPIMP Rolling on the floor laughing my a** off while peeing in my pants
ROTFLMBO Rolling on the floor laughing my butt off
RPG Role-playing games
RSN Real soon now
RT Real time
RTFM Read the f***ing manual
RYO Roll your own (write your own program; derived from cigarettes rolled yourself with tobacco and paper)
S^ S'up - what's up
S4L Spam for life (what you may get when you become someone's customer or client)
SHCOON Shoot hot coffee out of nose
SEG S***-eating grin
SETE Smiling ear to ear
SF Surfer-friendly (low-graphics Web site)
SHID Slaps head in disgust
SNAFU Situation normal, all f***ed up
SO Significant other
SOL Smilling out loud or sh*t out of luck
SOMY Sick of me yet?
SOT Short on time
SOTMG Short on time must go
STFW Search the f*****g Web
STW Search the Web
SU Shut up
SUAKM Shut up and kiss me
SUP What's up
SWAG Stupid wild-a** guess
SWAK Sealed with a kiss
SWL Screaming with laughter
SYS See you soon
TA Thanks again
TAFN That's all for now
TANSTAAFL There ain't no such thing as a free lunch
TCOY Take care of yourself
TFH Thread from hell (a discussion that just won't die and is often irrelevant to the purpose of the forum or group)
TGIF Thank God it's Friday
THX Thanks
TIA Thanks in advance (used if you post a question and are expecting a helpful reply)
TILII Tell it like it is
TLA Three-letter acronym
TLK2UL8R Talk to you later
TMI Too much information
TNT Till next time
TOPCA Til our paths cross again (early Celtic chat term)
TOY Thinking of you
TPTB The powers that be
TTFN Ta-Ta for now
TTT Thought that, too (when someone types in what you were about to type)
TTYL Talk to you later
TU Thank you
TY Thank you
UAPITA You're a pain in the ass
UW You're welcome
VBG Very big grin
VBSEG Very big s***-eating grin
WAG Wild a** guess
WAYD What are you doing
WB Welcome back
WBS Write back soon
WDALYIC Who died and left you in charge?
WEG Wicked evil grin
WFM Works for me
WIBNI Wouldn't it be nice if
WT? What/who the ?
WTFO What the F***! Over!
WTG Way to go!
WTGP? Want to go private?
WU? What's up?
WYSITWIRL What you see is TOTALLY WORTHLESS IN REAL LIFE!
WUF? Where are you from?
WYSIWYG What you see is what you get
YBS You'll be sorry
YGBSM You gotta be s***tin' me!
YMMV Your mileage may vary.
YW You're welcome
Friday, October 21, 2005
Just For Husbands!
Have you cleaned the house? Is dinner ready? Have you fed the kids? Did you wash my clothes?
These are some of the questions that women hear, day in and day out, from husbands who assert that wives are nothing more than servants and baby machines. But a wife is neither.
Nevertheless, amidst busy schedules on the parts of both women and men, some husbands forget the real reasons behind marriage and likewise the rights of their wives. Subsequently, they deprive themselves, their mates and their children of the happiness and tranquility that is the bedrock of a successful family. This unbalanced vision towards a couple's ideal relationship is bad enough to plunge the family into a situation laden with troubles and worries.
Even among religious families, you will find some husbands who still do not have a proper understanding of rights of their wives, nor a clear vision of the intended relationship between a married couple.
It is both painful and distressing to see a Muslim husband practicing Allah's orders on the one hand, but forgetting to follow His guidance regarding how to treat his wife. Outside the home he is kind, patient and smiling. But, as soon as he returns home, the smiling face becomes angry and sad and the kindness and gentleness turn into nervousness and adversity. He starts shouting and screaming his orders at his wife.
He forgets that although he faces many challenges and pressures outside the house, his wife can also be overwhelmed with the housework and her responsibilities to the children.
He forgets that she also needs rest after a long day of working. Although his duty is to work outside the house and to provide for his family, a wife's role inside the house is not any less important. On the contrary, her role is often more important as she is the one charged with raising the children and guarding the family.
We often see this scenario: A wife feels tired and asks her husband to help her with the cleaning, washing or cooking. He refuses, as though it is shameful for a man to help his wife. Doesn't he know that Prophet Mohammad (SAW), the most beloved person to Allah (SWT), helped his wives with the housework? Doesn't he know that Omar Ibn al-Khattab provided recipes to a group of women in order to teach them how to cook? Could Omar teach others if he himself did not know how to cook?
No husband, regardless of how much work he has, can ever be busier than our Prophet (SAW) whose duty it was to spread Islam. Likewise, no one is busier than Omar who had to bear the responsibility of a Khalifah.
It shocks me to hear that some wives have never heard a loving or appreciative word from their husbands. When asked about the person he loved the most, the Prophet (SAW) did not hesitate to name his wife, A'ishah. Thus, he declared very clearly, that a husband should not be ashamed of loving his wife or even of declaring that love in front of other people.
It is also painful to hear that some husbands do not speak to their wives or spend time with their families, under the pretenses of a busy schedule and da'wa work. While it is noble to be involved in da'wa outside the home, it is also necessary that the wife and children also be recipients of a husband's efforts.
I wonder how married couples can live without ever talking or spending time together or how they can feel happiness and tranquility with this gap separating them. Who else can share in happiness and sadness better than one's wife? Who else can encourage one to confront the challenges of life with perseverance and patience? Who can listen and keep one's secrets better than a wife? Who can help renew iman and intentions better than a wife?
The Prophet (SAW) taught us that the best among men is the one who best treats his wife. Shouldn't we follow the Prophet's example in every issue of our lives?
The Prophet (SAW) spent time with his wives, talking to them, laughing with them, and even playing with them. He listened to his wife, Om Salama's (RAA), advice in the Hudaybiya conciliation, when she advised him to start shaving and butchering. It was her mature advice that solved the predicament and protected the Muslim nation. So why have we strayed from that example?
Raising children is not just the mother's job, as some mistakenly think. It is intended as a mutual responsibility to be shared by both parents. Everyone has his/her complimentary role to undertake regarding family. There is no doubt that the mother bears the bigger burden of responsibility, but the role of the father is likewise important and has tremendous effects on the stability of the family.
Children need the presence and input of a father. They need him to ask them about their homework, help them memorize the Qur'an and understand religion. They need to feel that he is there for them.
Dear husbands, your wife is your partner, your other half and your life mate. She can be your hassanah in this world and "the blessing of your life," but only if you give her the chance to be. She is the one who can bring a smile to your face and dry the tears of pain from your eyes. She has the potential to provide your family with iman, happiness, encouragement, and patience in the face of challenges you may face. Your wife is always ready to sacrifice everything in order to bring happiness and success to the family.
No one can claim that marriage is always blissful or that there will never be any hardships to face. But, if the basis of the relationship is strong and if each person has a clear vision of his partners' rights, then challenges can easily be overcome.
I do not mean to blame all husbands for the problems facing couples today. I am addressing a specific type of husband within the Muslim community: the misinformed one who does not understand that a happier and stronger Muslim family can only be built under a strong partnership between the couple.
These are some of the questions that women hear, day in and day out, from husbands who assert that wives are nothing more than servants and baby machines. But a wife is neither.
Nevertheless, amidst busy schedules on the parts of both women and men, some husbands forget the real reasons behind marriage and likewise the rights of their wives. Subsequently, they deprive themselves, their mates and their children of the happiness and tranquility that is the bedrock of a successful family. This unbalanced vision towards a couple's ideal relationship is bad enough to plunge the family into a situation laden with troubles and worries.
Even among religious families, you will find some husbands who still do not have a proper understanding of rights of their wives, nor a clear vision of the intended relationship between a married couple.
It is both painful and distressing to see a Muslim husband practicing Allah's orders on the one hand, but forgetting to follow His guidance regarding how to treat his wife. Outside the home he is kind, patient and smiling. But, as soon as he returns home, the smiling face becomes angry and sad and the kindness and gentleness turn into nervousness and adversity. He starts shouting and screaming his orders at his wife.
He forgets that although he faces many challenges and pressures outside the house, his wife can also be overwhelmed with the housework and her responsibilities to the children.
He forgets that she also needs rest after a long day of working. Although his duty is to work outside the house and to provide for his family, a wife's role inside the house is not any less important. On the contrary, her role is often more important as she is the one charged with raising the children and guarding the family.
We often see this scenario: A wife feels tired and asks her husband to help her with the cleaning, washing or cooking. He refuses, as though it is shameful for a man to help his wife. Doesn't he know that Prophet Mohammad (SAW), the most beloved person to Allah (SWT), helped his wives with the housework? Doesn't he know that Omar Ibn al-Khattab provided recipes to a group of women in order to teach them how to cook? Could Omar teach others if he himself did not know how to cook?
No husband, regardless of how much work he has, can ever be busier than our Prophet (SAW) whose duty it was to spread Islam. Likewise, no one is busier than Omar who had to bear the responsibility of a Khalifah.
It shocks me to hear that some wives have never heard a loving or appreciative word from their husbands. When asked about the person he loved the most, the Prophet (SAW) did not hesitate to name his wife, A'ishah. Thus, he declared very clearly, that a husband should not be ashamed of loving his wife or even of declaring that love in front of other people.
It is also painful to hear that some husbands do not speak to their wives or spend time with their families, under the pretenses of a busy schedule and da'wa work. While it is noble to be involved in da'wa outside the home, it is also necessary that the wife and children also be recipients of a husband's efforts.
I wonder how married couples can live without ever talking or spending time together or how they can feel happiness and tranquility with this gap separating them. Who else can share in happiness and sadness better than one's wife? Who else can encourage one to confront the challenges of life with perseverance and patience? Who can listen and keep one's secrets better than a wife? Who can help renew iman and intentions better than a wife?
The Prophet (SAW) taught us that the best among men is the one who best treats his wife. Shouldn't we follow the Prophet's example in every issue of our lives?
The Prophet (SAW) spent time with his wives, talking to them, laughing with them, and even playing with them. He listened to his wife, Om Salama's (RAA), advice in the Hudaybiya conciliation, when she advised him to start shaving and butchering. It was her mature advice that solved the predicament and protected the Muslim nation. So why have we strayed from that example?
Raising children is not just the mother's job, as some mistakenly think. It is intended as a mutual responsibility to be shared by both parents. Everyone has his/her complimentary role to undertake regarding family. There is no doubt that the mother bears the bigger burden of responsibility, but the role of the father is likewise important and has tremendous effects on the stability of the family.
Children need the presence and input of a father. They need him to ask them about their homework, help them memorize the Qur'an and understand religion. They need to feel that he is there for them.
Dear husbands, your wife is your partner, your other half and your life mate. She can be your hassanah in this world and "the blessing of your life," but only if you give her the chance to be. She is the one who can bring a smile to your face and dry the tears of pain from your eyes. She has the potential to provide your family with iman, happiness, encouragement, and patience in the face of challenges you may face. Your wife is always ready to sacrifice everything in order to bring happiness and success to the family.
No one can claim that marriage is always blissful or that there will never be any hardships to face. But, if the basis of the relationship is strong and if each person has a clear vision of his partners' rights, then challenges can easily be overcome.
I do not mean to blame all husbands for the problems facing couples today. I am addressing a specific type of husband within the Muslim community: the misinformed one who does not understand that a happier and stronger Muslim family can only be built under a strong partnership between the couple.
love?
A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road on a
motorcycle...
Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
Guy: No this is fun.
Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
Girl hugs him
Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on
yourself ? Its bugging
me.
In the paper the next day A motorcycle had crashed into a
building because of brake failure. Two people were on it,
but
only
one had survived.
The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized
that
his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know
Instead,
he had her say she loved him & felt her hug him one last
time,
then had her wear his helmet
so that she would live even though
it
meant that he would
die.
If there is anyone in life you love this much!!!
motorcycle...
Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
Guy: No this is fun.
Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
Girl hugs him
Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on
yourself ? Its bugging
me.
In the paper the next day A motorcycle had crashed into a
building because of brake failure. Two people were on it,
but
only
one had survived.
The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized
that
his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know
Instead,
he had her say she loved him & felt her hug him one last
time,
then had her wear his helmet
so that she would live even though
it
meant that he would
die.
If there is anyone in life you love this much!!!
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
F A M I L Y
F A M I L Y
I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.
However, at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken.
I did not realize how harshly I had spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor,
you will find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise;
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."
By this time, I felt very small,
and now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they are pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."
I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."
I said, "Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."
FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
However, the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.
And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don't you think?
I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.
However, at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken.
I did not realize how harshly I had spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor,
you will find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise;
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."
By this time, I felt very small,
and now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they are pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."
I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."
I said, "Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."
FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
However, the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.
And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don't you think?
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Inspiration from a cracked pot
"A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. "Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it somewhat. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."
The moral of this story
Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. In this world nothing goes to waste. You may think like the cracked pot that you are inefficient or useless in certain areas of your life, but somehow these flaws can turn out to be a blessing in disguise."
For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. "Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it somewhat. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."
The moral of this story
Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. In this world nothing goes to waste. You may think like the cracked pot that you are inefficient or useless in certain areas of your life, but somehow these flaws can turn out to be a blessing in disguise."
Monday, October 17, 2005
WISE SAYINGS -DIAMONDS OF WISDOM
Fear God and you will have no cause to fear any one
Resignation to the Will of God is the cure of the disease of the heart
The word of God is the medicine of the heart
Lead such a life, that, when you die, the people may mourn you, and while you are alive they long for your company
The days of life pass away like clouds, so do good while you are alive
Of all the follies the greatest is to love the world
Opportunity is swift of flight but slow to return
Pride, cowardice, and miserliness are bad for me but good for women
The most happy is he to whom God has given a good wife
He who knows himself knows God
Do not soil your conscience for anything but heaven
The disease of the heart is worse than the disease of the body
To fight against one's desires is the greatest of all fights
The strongest amongst you is he who subdues his self
Wealth and greed are the roots of all evils
Riches without faith are the greatest poverty
A man's worth depends upon the nobility of his aspirations
Knowledge enlivens the soul
The learned lives, although he dies
The sum total of excellence is knowledge
To respect the learned is to respect God
Generosity hides shortcomings
The wealth of a miser is as useless as a pebble
Desire is one's most inveterate enemy
Those who walk on the surface of the earth shall one day be interred in it
Every breath of man brings him nearer to death
People are asleep as long as they are alive; they are awakened when they die
Patience is the fruit of faith
Virtue never dies
A man's glory from his virtue is greater than the glory of his pedigree
No shelter is safer than piety
A man's behaviour is the index of his mind
Courtesy costs nothing but buys everything
Clemency graces power
Jealousy devours virtue as fire devours fuel
He that lends a listening ear to reproach is one of those that deserve reproach
Forgiveness is the crown of greatness
Carnal appetites are nets spread by the devil
Every arrow does not hit the mark, nor every prayer granted
Ostentatiousness spoils prayers
Fear none but your sins
He who praises you murders you
A man who praises himself displays his deficiency of intellect
Honour your parents and your sons will honour you
A man is hid under his tongue
The tongue of a wise man lies behind his heart
The tongue pierces deeper than the spear
He who purifies his heart from doubt is a believer
The opinion of a wise man is an oracle
To seek counsel is to go to the fountain of guidance
Association with a fool is tyrannical to the soul
God hastens the fall of tyrants
Tyranny leads to moral cowardice
A tyrant's success is his moral defeat
It is better to die than to beg
When a man begs he loses his faith
Hajj is the Jihad of every believer in faith
A wise enemy is better than a foolish friend
Silence is the best reply to a fool
The best speech is one that is short and reasonable
Speech is like a medicine, a small dose of which cures but an excess of which kills
He that has no courage has no religion
His grief is long whose hope is short
The right of freedom of speech consists in speaking the truth
Repentance washes away sins
Folly is an incurable disease
To assist the wrong is to oppress the right
Sinning is a disease, repentance is its medicine, and abstinence from it a sure cure
Sorrow makes a man old before his time
Pride impedes progress and mars greatness
To forgive is the crown of greatness
He who understands humanity seeks solitude
Right is the best argument
Misrepresentation spoils narration
As a man's wisdom increases, so his desire to speak decreases
He who seeks to do justice with men, let him desire for them what he desires for himself
The greatest sin is the sin that the sinner considers to be ordinary
Contentment is the asset which is never exhausted
Governments are a trial for men
He who fights against the truth, the truth will defeat him
Finding fault in others is one's greatest fault
Haste is a species of madness
Greed is perpetual enslavement
He who does not know his own worth is doomed to destruction
The best investment is one with which duties are performed
Anger is a fire kindled, he who restrains anger extinguishes the fire; he who gives vent to it is the first to be consumed by such fire
Jihad is the highway of prosperity
None is more solitary than a miser
Knowledge is the ornament of the rich, and the riches of the poor
Knowledge is the sum total of excellence
He who teaches you a letter binds you with a fetter of gratitude
As long as we do not hope, we do not fret
He who indulges in jokes and loose fall, loses a part of his wisdom
Truth is bitter, but its result is sweet; falsehood appears to be sweet but it is poisonous in its effect
Miserliness is the root of many evils
Knowledge and practice are twins, and both go together. There is no knowledge without practice, and no practice without knowledge
He who dissembles plays with his honour
When God wants to humiliate a person He deprives him of knowledge
When your power increases, decrease your desires accordingly
He who listens to a backbiter loses a friend
It is no justice to decide a case on mere conjecture
He who does not know his own worth is deemed to ignominy
He who practices thrift would never be in want
He who does not know should not be ashamed to learn
Patience is to faith, what head is to the body, when patience goes, faith goes, when head goes, the body goes
The grace of God is the best guide
A good disposition is the best companion
Wisdom is the best friend
Good breeding is the best inheritance
There is nothing more hateful than pride
Be among men like bee among birds
Mix with the people with your tongue, but be separate from them in your deeds
Be generous but do not be a spendthrift
Do not run after the world; let the world run after you
A wise man is he who does not despair of the bounty and mercy of God
He who is aware of his own faults is oblivious of the faults of others
What the eye sees the heart preserves
The vision of the eye is limited; the vision of the heart transcends all barriers of time and space
Do not be misled by appearances for these are apt to be deceptive
Do not have too many irons in the fire; concentrate on one thing at a time
What you do not like for your self, do not like it for others
Contentment is the treasure which is never exhausted
The advice of old men is dearer than the bravery of young men
That knowledge is superficial which is merely on the tongue; that knowledge is real which demonstrates itself in your practice
Waste of time is one's greatest loss
He who knows to keep his secret knows the way to success
Foresight is the way to safety
No relationship is stronger than the relationship that exists between man and God
Enlighten the heart with prayers
Strengthen your heart with faith
Suppress all lust with piety
Do not sell the Hereafter for the world
Do not speak in a state of ignorance
Refrain from unnecessary talk
Do not tread the path from which you can apprehend the danger of running astray
In the affairs of God, do not be afraid of the accusations of the evil mongers
In all that you do seek the protection of God
Do not covet what is undesirable
If you seek the truth, neither strays from the right path, nor be assailed by doubts
Do not become a slave of your desires
That wealth is no wealth which brings dishonour
Whatever harm accrues of silence can be remedied but whatever harm is done because of speech cannot be remedied
It is better to restrain your desires than to stretch your hand before others
A little that is earned because of honest labour is better than a larger amount gained through dishonest means
Guard well your secret
He who seeks more than what is necessary indulges in error
To oppress the weak is the worst tyranny
Do not bank on false hopes, for that is the capital of the dead
A wise man takes a lesson even from a minor lapse
Overpower desires and suspicions by patience and faith
He who does not take the middle course strays
A stranger is he who has no friends
When hopes are frustrated despair becomes the way of life
He who trusts the world, the world betrays him
The one, who knows himself, knows his creator
If you love God, tear out your heart's love of the world
The fear of God makes one secure
How can you rejoice this life that grows shorter each hour?
A world wide reputation can be undone by an hour's degradation
Three defects make life miserable; Vindictiveness, Jealousy, A bad character
One who is proud of worldly possessions in this fleeting existence is ignorant
Joy is followed by tears
Each breath of man is a step nearer to death
The best man among us is he who is most helpful to his fellow men
One who thinks himself the best is the worst
The hated person is one who returns evil for good
Virtue is the key to success
Learned men live after death; ignorant men are dead although alive
There is no treasure like knowledge gained
Knowledge is wisdom and educated man is the wise man
Experience is knowledge gained
He who never corrects himself will never correct another
Listen and you will teach yourself: remain silent, and you risk nothing
The one, who reflects on God’s gifts, succeeds
Ignorance harms a man more than a cancer
One of the signs of stupid man is the frequent change of opinion
Never speak when it is not the time for speech
Beware of backbiting it sows the seed of bitterness, and separates you from God and man
The best truth is the keeping of promises
Better be dumb than lie
Do not flatter, it is no sign of faith
A hypocrite's tongue is clean, but there is sickness in his heart.
Better to be alone than with bad company
Who ever sows good, reaps his reward
Resignation to the Will of God is the cure of the disease of the heart
The word of God is the medicine of the heart
Lead such a life, that, when you die, the people may mourn you, and while you are alive they long for your company
The days of life pass away like clouds, so do good while you are alive
Of all the follies the greatest is to love the world
Opportunity is swift of flight but slow to return
Pride, cowardice, and miserliness are bad for me but good for women
The most happy is he to whom God has given a good wife
He who knows himself knows God
Do not soil your conscience for anything but heaven
The disease of the heart is worse than the disease of the body
To fight against one's desires is the greatest of all fights
The strongest amongst you is he who subdues his self
Wealth and greed are the roots of all evils
Riches without faith are the greatest poverty
A man's worth depends upon the nobility of his aspirations
Knowledge enlivens the soul
The learned lives, although he dies
The sum total of excellence is knowledge
To respect the learned is to respect God
Generosity hides shortcomings
The wealth of a miser is as useless as a pebble
Desire is one's most inveterate enemy
Those who walk on the surface of the earth shall one day be interred in it
Every breath of man brings him nearer to death
People are asleep as long as they are alive; they are awakened when they die
Patience is the fruit of faith
Virtue never dies
A man's glory from his virtue is greater than the glory of his pedigree
No shelter is safer than piety
A man's behaviour is the index of his mind
Courtesy costs nothing but buys everything
Clemency graces power
Jealousy devours virtue as fire devours fuel
He that lends a listening ear to reproach is one of those that deserve reproach
Forgiveness is the crown of greatness
Carnal appetites are nets spread by the devil
Every arrow does not hit the mark, nor every prayer granted
Ostentatiousness spoils prayers
Fear none but your sins
He who praises you murders you
A man who praises himself displays his deficiency of intellect
Honour your parents and your sons will honour you
A man is hid under his tongue
The tongue of a wise man lies behind his heart
The tongue pierces deeper than the spear
He who purifies his heart from doubt is a believer
The opinion of a wise man is an oracle
To seek counsel is to go to the fountain of guidance
Association with a fool is tyrannical to the soul
God hastens the fall of tyrants
Tyranny leads to moral cowardice
A tyrant's success is his moral defeat
It is better to die than to beg
When a man begs he loses his faith
Hajj is the Jihad of every believer in faith
A wise enemy is better than a foolish friend
Silence is the best reply to a fool
The best speech is one that is short and reasonable
Speech is like a medicine, a small dose of which cures but an excess of which kills
He that has no courage has no religion
His grief is long whose hope is short
The right of freedom of speech consists in speaking the truth
Repentance washes away sins
Folly is an incurable disease
To assist the wrong is to oppress the right
Sinning is a disease, repentance is its medicine, and abstinence from it a sure cure
Sorrow makes a man old before his time
Pride impedes progress and mars greatness
To forgive is the crown of greatness
He who understands humanity seeks solitude
Right is the best argument
Misrepresentation spoils narration
As a man's wisdom increases, so his desire to speak decreases
He who seeks to do justice with men, let him desire for them what he desires for himself
The greatest sin is the sin that the sinner considers to be ordinary
Contentment is the asset which is never exhausted
Governments are a trial for men
He who fights against the truth, the truth will defeat him
Finding fault in others is one's greatest fault
Haste is a species of madness
Greed is perpetual enslavement
He who does not know his own worth is doomed to destruction
The best investment is one with which duties are performed
Anger is a fire kindled, he who restrains anger extinguishes the fire; he who gives vent to it is the first to be consumed by such fire
Jihad is the highway of prosperity
None is more solitary than a miser
Knowledge is the ornament of the rich, and the riches of the poor
Knowledge is the sum total of excellence
He who teaches you a letter binds you with a fetter of gratitude
As long as we do not hope, we do not fret
He who indulges in jokes and loose fall, loses a part of his wisdom
Truth is bitter, but its result is sweet; falsehood appears to be sweet but it is poisonous in its effect
Miserliness is the root of many evils
Knowledge and practice are twins, and both go together. There is no knowledge without practice, and no practice without knowledge
He who dissembles plays with his honour
When God wants to humiliate a person He deprives him of knowledge
When your power increases, decrease your desires accordingly
He who listens to a backbiter loses a friend
It is no justice to decide a case on mere conjecture
He who does not know his own worth is deemed to ignominy
He who practices thrift would never be in want
He who does not know should not be ashamed to learn
Patience is to faith, what head is to the body, when patience goes, faith goes, when head goes, the body goes
The grace of God is the best guide
A good disposition is the best companion
Wisdom is the best friend
Good breeding is the best inheritance
There is nothing more hateful than pride
Be among men like bee among birds
Mix with the people with your tongue, but be separate from them in your deeds
Be generous but do not be a spendthrift
Do not run after the world; let the world run after you
A wise man is he who does not despair of the bounty and mercy of God
He who is aware of his own faults is oblivious of the faults of others
What the eye sees the heart preserves
The vision of the eye is limited; the vision of the heart transcends all barriers of time and space
Do not be misled by appearances for these are apt to be deceptive
Do not have too many irons in the fire; concentrate on one thing at a time
What you do not like for your self, do not like it for others
Contentment is the treasure which is never exhausted
The advice of old men is dearer than the bravery of young men
That knowledge is superficial which is merely on the tongue; that knowledge is real which demonstrates itself in your practice
Waste of time is one's greatest loss
He who knows to keep his secret knows the way to success
Foresight is the way to safety
No relationship is stronger than the relationship that exists between man and God
Enlighten the heart with prayers
Strengthen your heart with faith
Suppress all lust with piety
Do not sell the Hereafter for the world
Do not speak in a state of ignorance
Refrain from unnecessary talk
Do not tread the path from which you can apprehend the danger of running astray
In the affairs of God, do not be afraid of the accusations of the evil mongers
In all that you do seek the protection of God
Do not covet what is undesirable
If you seek the truth, neither strays from the right path, nor be assailed by doubts
Do not become a slave of your desires
That wealth is no wealth which brings dishonour
Whatever harm accrues of silence can be remedied but whatever harm is done because of speech cannot be remedied
It is better to restrain your desires than to stretch your hand before others
A little that is earned because of honest labour is better than a larger amount gained through dishonest means
Guard well your secret
He who seeks more than what is necessary indulges in error
To oppress the weak is the worst tyranny
Do not bank on false hopes, for that is the capital of the dead
A wise man takes a lesson even from a minor lapse
Overpower desires and suspicions by patience and faith
He who does not take the middle course strays
A stranger is he who has no friends
When hopes are frustrated despair becomes the way of life
He who trusts the world, the world betrays him
The one, who knows himself, knows his creator
If you love God, tear out your heart's love of the world
The fear of God makes one secure
How can you rejoice this life that grows shorter each hour?
A world wide reputation can be undone by an hour's degradation
Three defects make life miserable; Vindictiveness, Jealousy, A bad character
One who is proud of worldly possessions in this fleeting existence is ignorant
Joy is followed by tears
Each breath of man is a step nearer to death
The best man among us is he who is most helpful to his fellow men
One who thinks himself the best is the worst
The hated person is one who returns evil for good
Virtue is the key to success
Learned men live after death; ignorant men are dead although alive
There is no treasure like knowledge gained
Knowledge is wisdom and educated man is the wise man
Experience is knowledge gained
He who never corrects himself will never correct another
Listen and you will teach yourself: remain silent, and you risk nothing
The one, who reflects on God’s gifts, succeeds
Ignorance harms a man more than a cancer
One of the signs of stupid man is the frequent change of opinion
Never speak when it is not the time for speech
Beware of backbiting it sows the seed of bitterness, and separates you from God and man
The best truth is the keeping of promises
Better be dumb than lie
Do not flatter, it is no sign of faith
A hypocrite's tongue is clean, but there is sickness in his heart.
Better to be alone than with bad company
Who ever sows good, reaps his reward
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Friday, October 14, 2005
priceless gift of a daughter
Priceless Gift from a daughter to her father...
Some time ago, a friend of mine punished his 4 year old daughter
for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper.
Money was tight and he became infuriated
when the small child tried to decorate a box to put under the tree.
Nevertheless the little girl brought
the gift to her father the next morning and said:
" This is for you Daddy."
He was embarrassed by his earlier over reaction...
He opened the box and his anger flaired again
when he found the box was empty.
Then he yelled at her:
" DON'T YOU KNOW when you give someone a present
there's supposed to be something inside of it??? "
The little girl looked up at him
with tears in her eyes and said,
" Oh Daddy it's not empty,
I blew kisses into the box,
All for you Daddy."
The father was crushed.
He put his arms around his little girl,
and he begged her for forgiveness.
My friend told me that he kept that gold box near his bed for years.
Whenever he was discouraged he would take out an imaginary kiss
and remember the love of the child who had put it there.
In a very real sense each of us has been given a gold container
filled with unconditional love and kisses.
There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.
Its simply Priceless...
Some time ago, a friend of mine punished his 4 year old daughter
for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper.
Money was tight and he became infuriated
when the small child tried to decorate a box to put under the tree.
Nevertheless the little girl brought
the gift to her father the next morning and said:
" This is for you Daddy."
He was embarrassed by his earlier over reaction...
He opened the box and his anger flaired again
when he found the box was empty.
Then he yelled at her:
" DON'T YOU KNOW when you give someone a present
there's supposed to be something inside of it??? "
The little girl looked up at him
with tears in her eyes and said,
" Oh Daddy it's not empty,
I blew kisses into the box,
All for you Daddy."
The father was crushed.
He put his arms around his little girl,
and he begged her for forgiveness.
My friend told me that he kept that gold box near his bed for years.
Whenever he was discouraged he would take out an imaginary kiss
and remember the love of the child who had put it there.
In a very real sense each of us has been given a gold container
filled with unconditional love and kisses.
There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.
Its simply Priceless...
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
English
Here’s a humorous take on the non-native style of English usage or the so-called “Indian English”.
Below are two poems by Nissim Ezekiel. Nissim Ezekiel, during his stay in Mumbai, had the occasion to observe the way Indians speak English. What he first thought was incorrect or wrong English turned out to be actually what people would later claim to be “Indian English”. Without any intention or hint of sarcasm, Nissim has beautifully captured the essence of native languages forcing its way into English when spoken by the non-native English speakers and their attempt to dissolve it into the character of their native tongues. Note the frequent usage of the continuous tense, a typical feature of the regional languages, as also the seemingly contradictory phrases or abstract way of speaking that the non-native English speakers unconsciously allow to creep in to their communication in English.
Nissim Ezekiel, who has died aged 79, was the father of post-independence Indian verse in English. A prolific dramatist, critic, broadcaster and social commentator, he was professor of English and reader in American literature at Mumbai (formerly Bombay) University during the 1990s, and secretary of the Indian branch of the international writers' organization PEN.
Take it with a grain of salt! (not a ‘pinch’ J ). I found these poems hilarious when I first read them and they did make me reflect on the way I used English way back in those days.
Happy Reading!
====================================================================
The Patriot
I am standing for peace and non-violence.
Why world is fighting fighting
Why all people of world
Are not following Mahatma Gandhi,
I am simply not understanding.
Ancient Indian Wisdom is 100% correct,
I should say even 200% correct,
But modern generation is neglecting-
Too much going for fashion and foreign thing.
Other day I'm reading newspaper
(Every day I'm reading Times of India
To improve my English Language)
How one goonda fellow
Threw stone at Indirabehn.
Must be student unrest fellow, I am thinking.
Friends, Romans, Countrymen, I am saying (to myself)
Lend me the ears.
Everything is coming -
Regeneration, Remuneration, Contraception.
Be patiently, brothers and sisters.
You want one glass lassi?
Very good for digestion.
With little salt, lovely drink,
Better than wine;
Not that I am ever tasting the wine.
I'm the total teetotaller, completely total,
But I say
Wine is for the drunkards only.
What you think of prospects of world peace?
Pakistan behaving like this,
China behaving like that,
It is making me really sad, I am telling you.
Really, most harassing me.
All men are brothers, no?
In India also
Gujaratis, Maharashtrians, Hindiwallahs
All brothers -
Though some are having funny habits.
Still, you tolerate me,
I tolerate you,
One day Ram Rajya is surely coming.
You are going?
But you will visit again
Any time, any day,
I am not believing in ceremony
Always I am enjoying your company.
-- Nissim Ezekiel
------------------------------------------------------------
The Professor
Remember me? I am Professor Sheth.
Once I taught you geography. Now
I am retired, though my health is good.
My wife died some years back.
By God's grace, all my children
Are well settled in life.
One is Sales Manager,
One is Bank Manager,
Both have cars.
Other also doing well, though not so well.
Every family must have black sheep.
Sarala and Tarala are married,
Their husbands are very nice boys.
You won't believe but I have eleven grandchildren.
How many issues you have? Three?
That is good. These are days of family planning.
I am not against. We have to change with times.
Whole world is changing. In India also
We are keeping up. Our progress is progressing.
Old values are going, new values are coming.
Everything is happening with leaps and bounds.
I am going out rarely, now and then
Only, this is price of old age
But my health is O.K. Usual aches and pains.
No diabetes, no blood pressure, no heart attack.
This is because of sound habits in youth.
How is your health keeping?
Nicely? I am happy for that.
This year I am sixty-nine
and hope to score a century.
You were so thin, like stick,
Now you are man of weight and consequence.
That is good joke.
If you are coming again this side by chance,
Visit please my humble residence also.
I am living just on opposite house's backside.
-- Nissim Ezekiel
Below are two poems by Nissim Ezekiel. Nissim Ezekiel, during his stay in Mumbai, had the occasion to observe the way Indians speak English. What he first thought was incorrect or wrong English turned out to be actually what people would later claim to be “Indian English”. Without any intention or hint of sarcasm, Nissim has beautifully captured the essence of native languages forcing its way into English when spoken by the non-native English speakers and their attempt to dissolve it into the character of their native tongues. Note the frequent usage of the continuous tense, a typical feature of the regional languages, as also the seemingly contradictory phrases or abstract way of speaking that the non-native English speakers unconsciously allow to creep in to their communication in English.
Nissim Ezekiel, who has died aged 79, was the father of post-independence Indian verse in English. A prolific dramatist, critic, broadcaster and social commentator, he was professor of English and reader in American literature at Mumbai (formerly Bombay) University during the 1990s, and secretary of the Indian branch of the international writers' organization PEN.
Take it with a grain of salt! (not a ‘pinch’ J ). I found these poems hilarious when I first read them and they did make me reflect on the way I used English way back in those days.
Happy Reading!
====================================================================
The Patriot
I am standing for peace and non-violence.
Why world is fighting fighting
Why all people of world
Are not following Mahatma Gandhi,
I am simply not understanding.
Ancient Indian Wisdom is 100% correct,
I should say even 200% correct,
But modern generation is neglecting-
Too much going for fashion and foreign thing.
Other day I'm reading newspaper
(Every day I'm reading Times of India
To improve my English Language)
How one goonda fellow
Threw stone at Indirabehn.
Must be student unrest fellow, I am thinking.
Friends, Romans, Countrymen, I am saying (to myself)
Lend me the ears.
Everything is coming -
Regeneration, Remuneration, Contraception.
Be patiently, brothers and sisters.
You want one glass lassi?
Very good for digestion.
With little salt, lovely drink,
Better than wine;
Not that I am ever tasting the wine.
I'm the total teetotaller, completely total,
But I say
Wine is for the drunkards only.
What you think of prospects of world peace?
Pakistan behaving like this,
China behaving like that,
It is making me really sad, I am telling you.
Really, most harassing me.
All men are brothers, no?
In India also
Gujaratis, Maharashtrians, Hindiwallahs
All brothers -
Though some are having funny habits.
Still, you tolerate me,
I tolerate you,
One day Ram Rajya is surely coming.
You are going?
But you will visit again
Any time, any day,
I am not believing in ceremony
Always I am enjoying your company.
-- Nissim Ezekiel
------------------------------------------------------------
The Professor
Remember me? I am Professor Sheth.
Once I taught you geography. Now
I am retired, though my health is good.
My wife died some years back.
By God's grace, all my children
Are well settled in life.
One is Sales Manager,
One is Bank Manager,
Both have cars.
Other also doing well, though not so well.
Every family must have black sheep.
Sarala and Tarala are married,
Their husbands are very nice boys.
You won't believe but I have eleven grandchildren.
How many issues you have? Three?
That is good. These are days of family planning.
I am not against. We have to change with times.
Whole world is changing. In India also
We are keeping up. Our progress is progressing.
Old values are going, new values are coming.
Everything is happening with leaps and bounds.
I am going out rarely, now and then
Only, this is price of old age
But my health is O.K. Usual aches and pains.
No diabetes, no blood pressure, no heart attack.
This is because of sound habits in youth.
How is your health keeping?
Nicely? I am happy for that.
This year I am sixty-nine
and hope to score a century.
You were so thin, like stick,
Now you are man of weight and consequence.
That is good joke.
If you are coming again this side by chance,
Visit please my humble residence also.
I am living just on opposite house's backside.
-- Nissim Ezekiel
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Corporate Lessons
Corporate Lesson #1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing
over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives
up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When
she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she could say a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop
that towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800
dollars and leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back
up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the
bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he
owes me?"
**Moral of the story**
If you share critical information pertaining to financial matters
with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson #2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road.
He stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in
and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely
leg.
The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling
the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at
him and immediately said, Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced him-
self to remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his hand slide up
her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is
weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful
glance and went on her way. Upon his arrival at the church, the
priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129.
It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, and you will find glory."
**Moral of the story**
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
Corporate Lesson #3
A sales representative, an administration clerk and the manager
are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub
it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give
each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Poof! She's gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want
to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse,
an endless supply of piña coladas, and the love of my life."
Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office right after
lunch."
**Moral of the story**
Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson #4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit
saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing all day long?"
The crow answered "Sure, why not?"
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.
All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
**Moral of the story**
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
high up.
Corporate Lesson #5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get
to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the
energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually
gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally, after a fourth night, there he was, proudly
perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a
farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
**Moral of the story**
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Corporate Lesson #6
In Africa, every morning a gazelle awakens knowing that it must
outrun the fastest lion if it wants to stay alive.
Every morning, a lion also wakes up, knowing that it must run
faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
**Moral of the story**
It makes no difference whether you are a gazelle or a lion When
the sun comes up, you had better be hauling ass.
*****************************************************************
*****************************************************************
Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not
at all true. I have the heart of a young boy... In a jar...
On my desk.
-- Steven King
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing
over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives
up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When
she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she could say a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop
that towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800
dollars and leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back
up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the
bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he
owes me?"
**Moral of the story**
If you share critical information pertaining to financial matters
with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson #2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road.
He stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in
and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely
leg.
The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling
the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at
him and immediately said, Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced him-
self to remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his hand slide up
her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is
weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful
glance and went on her way. Upon his arrival at the church, the
priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129.
It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, and you will find glory."
**Moral of the story**
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
Corporate Lesson #3
A sales representative, an administration clerk and the manager
are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub
it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give
each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Poof! She's gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want
to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse,
an endless supply of piña coladas, and the love of my life."
Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office right after
lunch."
**Moral of the story**
Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson #4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit
saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing all day long?"
The crow answered "Sure, why not?"
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.
All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
**Moral of the story**
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
high up.
Corporate Lesson #5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get
to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the
energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually
gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally, after a fourth night, there he was, proudly
perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a
farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
**Moral of the story**
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Corporate Lesson #6
In Africa, every morning a gazelle awakens knowing that it must
outrun the fastest lion if it wants to stay alive.
Every morning, a lion also wakes up, knowing that it must run
faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
**Moral of the story**
It makes no difference whether you are a gazelle or a lion When
the sun comes up, you had better be hauling ass.
*****************************************************************
*****************************************************************
Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not
at all true. I have the heart of a young boy... In a jar...
On my desk.
-- Steven King
Sign Language
How do mathematicians communicate?
Sine language.
How do hyperbolic mathematicians communicate?
Hypersine language.
How do biblical prophets communicate?
Heavenly Sign language.
How do astrologers communicate?
Star Sign language.
How did the Israelites in the Promised Land communicate?
Zion language.
How do picketing traffic engineers communicate?
Sign language.
How do naval cadets communicate?
Ensign language.
How do couturiers communicate?
Design language.
How do lighthouse keepers communicate?
Shine language.
How do real estate closers communicate?
Sign Here and Sign Here and Sign Here and Sign Here and sign...
language.
How does everyone communicate on December 31st?
Old Lang- syne -uage.
How did Gertrude communicate at the Bavarian Oktoberfest?
She used Stein language.
How do heirs communicate?
Scion language.
How do lovers communicate?
Sighin' language.
How do tech writers talk?
Manually.
[Thanks to Marsha Coleman]
*****************************************************************
2 Rides
A man took a ride in a stunt plane. The pilot dove and spun,
putting the plane through its entire repertoire. When they landed
the passenger gasped, "Thank you for the rides!"
"That was only one ride," said the pilot.
"I'll call it two." said the man. "My first and my last!"
Sine language.
How do hyperbolic mathematicians communicate?
Hypersine language.
How do biblical prophets communicate?
Heavenly Sign language.
How do astrologers communicate?
Star Sign language.
How did the Israelites in the Promised Land communicate?
Zion language.
How do picketing traffic engineers communicate?
Sign language.
How do naval cadets communicate?
Ensign language.
How do couturiers communicate?
Design language.
How do lighthouse keepers communicate?
Shine language.
How do real estate closers communicate?
Sign Here and Sign Here and Sign Here and Sign Here and sign...
language.
How does everyone communicate on December 31st?
Old Lang- syne -uage.
How did Gertrude communicate at the Bavarian Oktoberfest?
She used Stein language.
How do heirs communicate?
Scion language.
How do lovers communicate?
Sighin' language.
How do tech writers talk?
Manually.
[Thanks to Marsha Coleman]
*****************************************************************
2 Rides
A man took a ride in a stunt plane. The pilot dove and spun,
putting the plane through its entire repertoire. When they landed
the passenger gasped, "Thank you for the rides!"
"That was only one ride," said the pilot.
"I'll call it two." said the man. "My first and my last!"
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