Thursday, August 18, 2005

Tips For Managers

Tips For Managers


1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00
pm and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is
refreshing.

2. If it's really a "rush job", run in and interrupt me every 10
minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better,
hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It
gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you
are.

4. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals
SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with
a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which
is the priority. I like being a psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really
have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond
work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets
out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to
be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them
down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No
use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right
to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton.
When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will
identify them.

11. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's
nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the
story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you
received for being such a good manager.