Behaviour Problems in Children

Behaviour problem	Possible meaning	Do not	Do
Hurts other children/span>	Troubled feelings, anger	Punish or hurt him. Make him feel ‘bad’, act angry	Separate quietly the other children. Divert his attention. Take away the hurting object, calmly and firmly. Teach the child that there are some things we just do not do. Help the children play happily together again. Prevent hutting episodes by helping the child feel loved, by giving him other outlets for feelings.
Destroys things	Feelings of helplessness, Jealousy, Boredom. Wanting attention, Excitement, Exuberance, Curiosity	Scold, yell, shout, tell him he is bad. Preach at him. Punish, spank or hit him.	Remove destroyable things from the child’s reach. Provide hem a good place for play. Expect some wear and tear from things. Substitute something else for what is being destroyed. Expand the child’s world by taking him to different places, let him see and explore new areas. Provide things to pound and mess, cut and tear. Teach him firmly what he may and may not do.
Uses bad language	Trying something new. A joke, imitation, getting attention. Letting off steam.	Get excited. Feel embarrassed or shocked. Scold or punish. Lecture at him. Over emphasize the bad language.	Relax, understand what it means. Tell him calmly to stop. Try rhyming some other word with it for fun or often other simple substitutes. Give him healthy outlets for his feelings.
Does not share	Too young or too little. Need for experience in owning and sharing.	Snatch from him scold or hurt him. Tell him do not like him.	Helping to share and like it. Be sure he has things that are all his, let him know what it means to own things. Be a fair arbiter in his squabbles with other children. Love him, help him to feel secure. Provide experiences as he is ready for them.
Sucks his thumb / fingers	Need for sucking. Need for loving, cuddling, assurance and comforting, fatigue. Hunger, dissatisfaction, boredom.	Force or restrain. Punish or scold. Coax threaten or bribe. Tie fingers or smear hem with bitter medicine.	Provide sucking satisfaction. Give more satisfaction, love, attention and pleasure. Find out what he wants and needs and provide them as best as you can. Relax and realize that thumb sucking rarely lasts and is not serious. See it as a sign that the child is unhappy or dissatisfied at the moment.
Wets	He is not ready for training yet. Too early to effort train. Resistance or rebellion. Insecurity, fear.	Make an issue. Threaten, shame or punish. Bribe or reward. Insist that he tells you when he should go to the toilet. Tell him you do not love him.	Accept it and the child as gracefully as you can. Except some accidents. Give him affection freely. Let him know you have confidence that he will do better some day. Help him become independent in other ways and encourage him to grow up.
Demands attention	Feels let out, insecure, unloved. Boredom. Interest in you.	Scold or punish. Ignore or isolate him. Ridicule him. Shame him.	Give him a flair measure of attention. Show interest in him as a person. Provide interesting things to do. Share yourself with him.
Has fears	Previous painful experiences. Strangeness. Need for his parents close by. Feeling unloved or guilty.	Force or reason the child out of his fears. Shame, threaten or coerce. Make him do the feared thing.	Reassure and comfort him. Make the feared place or situation a happy one. Teach him caution for real dangers and hazards. Show him love and comfort. Encourage his efforts to be ‘big’. Help him to help himself, avoid fearful experience, avoid fearful experiences or prepare him for them.
Steals	Ignorance of property rights. Unsatisfied needs and hunger. Rebellion. Hostile feelings. Imitation.	Make hem feel bad. Scold or shame. Punish or reject. Cut off love. Take from him something to make up for the theft. Humiliate him before others.	Let him own things and get a sense of mine and yours. Help him earn and get what he needs and wants. Be kind, understanding and not too rigid. Provide creative outlets for his interests. Help him make real friends.
Tells lies	Fear of punishment, exaggeration, imagination, imitation, attention seeking.	Preach or prophesy. Punish or shame or reject. Make him apologize. Get upset.	Relax and try to understand. Give him attention for what he does and provide him with opportunities for enriching his imagination. Help him discover the difference between fact and fancy. Tell him the truth.
Gets out of bed	Curiosity, interest, not sleepy, attention seeking. Uncomfortable. Examine what you expect from him.	Scold or punish, threaten. Reward or bribe. Put to bed as punishment. Tie or restrain him.	Make going to bed a happy experience. Read or sing or play with him, a little before leaving him in bed. Avoid over-stimulating experience at bed time. See that his needs are met before he goes to bed. Talk to him in bed with evidences of real affection. Put him back kindly but firmly.
Refuses to eat	He is not hungry. Dislikes particular food. Feels unwell.	Force. Make a scene. Punish. Reward. Threaten. Put on an act.	Be casual and calm. It will not hurt him to miss a meal or two. Introduce new foods only a bit at a time and along with favorite foods.