POLICIES AND PROCEDURES
Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading
to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling. Each time a monkey
tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which
makes them miserable. Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the
ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and
beat him up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the
ladder.
One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the
room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other
monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately begins to climb
the ladder. All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no
idea why. However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.
A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again
attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him.
This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the
receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other
monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.
One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced.
Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed
by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will
enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.
AND THAT'S HOW VERY MANY COMPANY POLICIES & PROCEDURES GET ESTABLISHED.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
interesting one
A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his
girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is
just too great. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to
you.
Love, Becky
The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.
In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures
of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos
in that envelope along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.
Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky
Moral of the story: If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.
girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is
just too great. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to
you.
Love, Becky
The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.
In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures
of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos
in that envelope along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.
Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky
Moral of the story: If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Doctor
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me are doing basically the same work? " The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic ...
(What do you think he said ?? )
Guess ......
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He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running"
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me are doing basically the same work? " The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic ...
(What do you think he said ?? )
Guess ......
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He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running"
Monday, September 25, 2006
Life cycle
This is the story of a young bright man
Who was a qualified engineer
Who wanted to rise to the top of his clan
And have a scintillating career
He graduated from a premier t-school
With good if not the best grades
And like the rest of us, landed in the IT cesspool
Earned lotsa money, drove a fancy bike and wore Ray Ban shades
In the first year into his employment,
He learnt a lot, he worked hard and smart
His life was filled with work and enjoyment
He hoped it would all pay off, this was just a start
VB, VC, C++ and java,
Unix, Sun, Linux and windows
His tech skills were red hot like lava
Little did he know that these were to be his biggest foes
Things became a little monotonous, in the next year or two
There wasnt much to draw him to office on a monday morning
To advance his career, he tried everything he could do
But each time he was bypassed without prior notice or warning
He couldnt figure out what he did wrong
He wondered where he was going astray
Until one day, a bell in his mind went ding dong
And he realized "I need an MBA!!!"
So he studied for every management test
JMET, GMAT, XAT and CAT
For his job he lost all zest
He used to disappear from office at the drop of a hat
Bright as he was, he cracked every exam
And chose to go to the country's best b-school
His manager tried to retain him, he didnt give a damn
And to the annals of history was added the tale of another misguided fool
At b-school, the course-work hit him like a ton of bricks
He barely had time to eat and never enough sleep
Constantly toiling from eight to six
He felt like a bollywood villian, tied to the back of a speeding jeep
The stuff he studied, all seemed like simple common sense
But it was made out to be the cleverest thing around
It was embellished and polished with masterful pretense
Redundant with banalities, jargon abound
Thro two agonizing years he struggled
Barely managing to maintain a respectable GPA
But one question always had him puzzled
Why the hell was he doing all this anyway ?
Come placement season, there is tension in the air
There's fierce competition for every job on offer
Nobody takes chances, they all apply everywhere
Dressed in their best suits, clean shaven, prim and proper
He doesnt get a job on day zero or one
He apparently doesnt have what it takes
He gets a job on day two to the amazement of no one
The package is peanuts compared to what an i-banker makes
Another bright engineer following age-old tradition
Another reluctant manager, who does what he does because he must
Walking down the dark road to management perdition
Another one bites the dust
Thanks to Venkata Krishna Mohan Pilla of Infosys
Who was a qualified engineer
Who wanted to rise to the top of his clan
And have a scintillating career
He graduated from a premier t-school
With good if not the best grades
And like the rest of us, landed in the IT cesspool
Earned lotsa money, drove a fancy bike and wore Ray Ban shades
In the first year into his employment,
He learnt a lot, he worked hard and smart
His life was filled with work and enjoyment
He hoped it would all pay off, this was just a start
VB, VC, C++ and java,
Unix, Sun, Linux and windows
His tech skills were red hot like lava
Little did he know that these were to be his biggest foes
Things became a little monotonous, in the next year or two
There wasnt much to draw him to office on a monday morning
To advance his career, he tried everything he could do
But each time he was bypassed without prior notice or warning
He couldnt figure out what he did wrong
He wondered where he was going astray
Until one day, a bell in his mind went ding dong
And he realized "I need an MBA!!!"
So he studied for every management test
JMET, GMAT, XAT and CAT
For his job he lost all zest
He used to disappear from office at the drop of a hat
Bright as he was, he cracked every exam
And chose to go to the country's best b-school
His manager tried to retain him, he didnt give a damn
And to the annals of history was added the tale of another misguided fool
At b-school, the course-work hit him like a ton of bricks
He barely had time to eat and never enough sleep
Constantly toiling from eight to six
He felt like a bollywood villian, tied to the back of a speeding jeep
The stuff he studied, all seemed like simple common sense
But it was made out to be the cleverest thing around
It was embellished and polished with masterful pretense
Redundant with banalities, jargon abound
Thro two agonizing years he struggled
Barely managing to maintain a respectable GPA
But one question always had him puzzled
Why the hell was he doing all this anyway ?
Come placement season, there is tension in the air
There's fierce competition for every job on offer
Nobody takes chances, they all apply everywhere
Dressed in their best suits, clean shaven, prim and proper
He doesnt get a job on day zero or one
He apparently doesnt have what it takes
He gets a job on day two to the amazement of no one
The package is peanuts compared to what an i-banker makes
Another bright engineer following age-old tradition
Another reluctant manager, who does what he does because he must
Walking down the dark road to management perdition
Another one bites the dust
Thanks to Venkata Krishna Mohan Pilla of Infosys
Monday, July 17, 2006
Nice one
It was raining heavily outside. Dark clouds gathered in the sky and nature was in its ominous best. I took a break from my work and went to the pantry to grab a cup of coffee. I had a sip and went near the window to see the rain pouring down heavily outside the glass structure. I was inside our huge office building, unruffled by even the fierceness of the nature. Through the heavy transparent glass, I could see a small girl trying to hold on to her umbrella which the wind was snatching away from her. I felt sorry for the girl, and was happy that I was not in a similar pathetic situation. Yes. I take pride for the fact that I am a software engineer. . I have everything which a common man would envy; money, status, respect, you name it I have it. I always wanted to be software professional and here I am, working for one of the best firms in the world. But then, am I really happy? Now, I could see an imprint of my palm on the other glass window, through which I reminisced my past, basked in the warmth of the sun shine.
My childhood was so much of fun. I vividly remember those rainy days, when I hugged my mother tightly during sleeping listening to all the stories told by her. Now, I have a big house here, but then it is just a house, not a home. My parents are pretty far away from me now. I have a cell phone to talk to them everyday, but then I really miss those dinners which I had with my family everyday. I could easily afford to taste all the different cuisines these days, but the best of food there, lack the love and affection which is present in the food prepared by my mother.
I threw a lavish party for my colleagues for my birthday, but then they would never replace the birthdays when my friends secretly brought a cake and at the end, half of the cake would have ended up on my face. The couple of hundred bucks that u save for a long period just to give a treat to your friends in the road side chat shop can never give the pleasure even after spending a few thousand bucks these days.
The scene of me crying and refusing to have dinner on the day when I fought with my best friend came to my mind. Today, she has gone far away from me, taking away my love and with it my life, but I am sitting and coding here with a false smile on my face. Everyday I meet new people, but then I long ceased to make a new friend.
It's true that I have a lot of things now. I have a nice bed, but no time to sleep. Lots of money, but no friends to spend it with. The latest designer clothes, but a worn out body. Quite a few to flirt, but no one to love. Awards for technical excellence, but no reward for the crave for peaceful ambience. A confident demeanor, but a reluctant and apathetic mind. Full of rain, but no sunshine even in the farthest distance.
Now, I could see the small girl on the road enjoying in the rain with her umbrella firmly in her grip. She might not have all the comforts which I have, but then she has the innocence and fun which I lost a long time back. I have decided to come out of this false fantasy, even if it is at the expense of losing the tap of the software engineer. I am going to again enjoy my life. I am going to go out in the rain and play with the small kid now. I removed my tie, and went near my computer to shut it down. Just then, I saw a new mail alert in my mail box. I slowly opened outlook and I found a message from my manager with an attachment saying that there was a critical defect in the code and I have to fix it soon. I convinced myself that I am not going to get bogged down again by these pressures and stick to my decision. I ignored the mail and went to the rest room. After a couple of minutes, the software engineer in me came out, his shirt tucked in with the perfect tie knot, sat before the computer, and started typing,
XYZ,
I am looking into the defect and will send the patch files before EOD.
Regards,
Me.
My childhood was so much of fun. I vividly remember those rainy days, when I hugged my mother tightly during sleeping listening to all the stories told by her. Now, I have a big house here, but then it is just a house, not a home. My parents are pretty far away from me now. I have a cell phone to talk to them everyday, but then I really miss those dinners which I had with my family everyday. I could easily afford to taste all the different cuisines these days, but the best of food there, lack the love and affection which is present in the food prepared by my mother.
I threw a lavish party for my colleagues for my birthday, but then they would never replace the birthdays when my friends secretly brought a cake and at the end, half of the cake would have ended up on my face. The couple of hundred bucks that u save for a long period just to give a treat to your friends in the road side chat shop can never give the pleasure even after spending a few thousand bucks these days.
The scene of me crying and refusing to have dinner on the day when I fought with my best friend came to my mind. Today, she has gone far away from me, taking away my love and with it my life, but I am sitting and coding here with a false smile on my face. Everyday I meet new people, but then I long ceased to make a new friend.
It's true that I have a lot of things now. I have a nice bed, but no time to sleep. Lots of money, but no friends to spend it with. The latest designer clothes, but a worn out body. Quite a few to flirt, but no one to love. Awards for technical excellence, but no reward for the crave for peaceful ambience. A confident demeanor, but a reluctant and apathetic mind. Full of rain, but no sunshine even in the farthest distance.
Now, I could see the small girl on the road enjoying in the rain with her umbrella firmly in her grip. She might not have all the comforts which I have, but then she has the innocence and fun which I lost a long time back. I have decided to come out of this false fantasy, even if it is at the expense of losing the tap of the software engineer. I am going to again enjoy my life. I am going to go out in the rain and play with the small kid now. I removed my tie, and went near my computer to shut it down. Just then, I saw a new mail alert in my mail box. I slowly opened outlook and I found a message from my manager with an attachment saying that there was a critical defect in the code and I have to fix it soon. I convinced myself that I am not going to get bogged down again by these pressures and stick to my decision. I ignored the mail and went to the rest room. After a couple of minutes, the software engineer in me came out, his shirt tucked in with the perfect tie knot, sat before the computer, and started typing,
XYZ,
I am looking into the defect and will send the patch files before EOD.
Regards,
Me.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
TIME
On Wednesday, April 5, 2006, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 AM in the morning, the time and date will be
01:02:03 04/05/06
This will never happen again in your life time.
01:02:03 04/05/06
This will never happen again in your life time.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
6 minutes
You have 6 minutes
There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious. This has been sent To you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten times so Far.
Do not keep this message.
must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
Now, here's the FUN part!
Send this to at least 5 people and your life will improve. 1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.
5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.
9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks
15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart
There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious. This has been sent To you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten times so Far.
Do not keep this message.
must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
Now, here's the FUN part!
Send this to at least 5 people and your life will improve. 1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.
5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.
9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks
15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart
Letter from GOD
o My
Beloved........
As you got up this morning,
I watched you, and hoped
you would talk to me, even if it
was just a few words, asking
my opinion or thanking me
for something good that
happened in your life yesterday.
But I noticed you were too
busy, trying to find the
right outfit to wear.
When you ran around the house
getting ready, I knew there
would be a few minutes for
you to stop and say hello,
but you were to busy.
At one point you had to
wait fifteen minutes with
nothing to do except
sit in a chair.
Then I saw you spring to
your feet. I thought you
wanted to talk to me but
you ran to the phone and
called a friend to get
the latest gossip, instead.
I watched patiently all day long.
With all our activities I guess
you were too busy
to say anything to me.
I noticed that before lunch
you looked around, maybe
you felt embarrassed to
talk to me,that is why
you didn't bow your head.
You glanced three or four
tables over and you noticed
some of your friends talking
to me briefly before they ate,
but you didn't. That's okay.
There is still more time left,
and I hope that you will talk to me yet.
You went home and it seems
as if you had lots of things to do.
After a few of them were done,
you turned on the TV.
I don't know if you like TV or not,
just about anything goes there
and you spend a lot of time
each day in front of it not
thinking about anything, just
enjoying the show. I waited
patiently again as you watched
the TV and ate your meal, but
again you didn't talk to me.
Bedtime I guess you felt too tired.
After you said "goodnight" to your
family you plopped into bed and
fell asleep in no time.
That's okay because you
may not realize that
I am always there for you.....
I've got patience, more than
you will ever know. I even
want to teach you how to
be patient with others as well.
I love you so much that
I wait everyday for a nod,
prayer or thought, or a thankful
part of your heart.
It is hard to have a one-sided conversation.
Well, you are getting up once again. Once again I will wait, with
nothing but love for you. Hoping that today you will give me some time.
Have a nice day!
Yours
GOD
Beloved........
As you got up this morning,
I watched you, and hoped
you would talk to me, even if it
was just a few words, asking
my opinion or thanking me
for something good that
happened in your life yesterday.
But I noticed you were too
busy, trying to find the
right outfit to wear.
When you ran around the house
getting ready, I knew there
would be a few minutes for
you to stop and say hello,
but you were to busy.
At one point you had to
wait fifteen minutes with
nothing to do except
sit in a chair.
Then I saw you spring to
your feet. I thought you
wanted to talk to me but
you ran to the phone and
called a friend to get
the latest gossip, instead.
I watched patiently all day long.
With all our activities I guess
you were too busy
to say anything to me.
I noticed that before lunch
you looked around, maybe
you felt embarrassed to
talk to me,that is why
you didn't bow your head.
You glanced three or four
tables over and you noticed
some of your friends talking
to me briefly before they ate,
but you didn't. That's okay.
There is still more time left,
and I hope that you will talk to me yet.
You went home and it seems
as if you had lots of things to do.
After a few of them were done,
you turned on the TV.
I don't know if you like TV or not,
just about anything goes there
and you spend a lot of time
each day in front of it not
thinking about anything, just
enjoying the show. I waited
patiently again as you watched
the TV and ate your meal, but
again you didn't talk to me.
Bedtime I guess you felt too tired.
After you said "goodnight" to your
family you plopped into bed and
fell asleep in no time.
That's okay because you
may not realize that
I am always there for you.....
I've got patience, more than
you will ever know. I even
want to teach you how to
be patient with others as well.
I love you so much that
I wait everyday for a nod,
prayer or thought, or a thankful
part of your heart.
It is hard to have a one-sided conversation.
Well, you are getting up once again. Once again I will wait, with
nothing but love for you. Hoping that today you will give me some time.
Have a nice day!
Yours
GOD
sardarji jokes
Teacher to Sardar " Where were U born?
Sardar : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Sardar : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.
================================================================
Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have
came again..
================================================================
Sardar complained 2 Police: Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Sardar : I was watching TV na....
================================================================
Thought for the Day!!!
If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger sis and elder sis?
Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM
================================================================
Tihar Jail ordered 999 Shirts and 1000 Pants for its inmates.
Tell why this odd combination?
Answer : Bcos SALMAN KHAN is coming and He hardly wear SHIRTs!!!
================================================================
Do you know the similarity between "Dinasaurs" & "Decent Girls"
Answer: Both dont exist on earth !!!
================================================================
When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!
================================================================
Whats the height of Intelligence?
Answer : A 99 year old Sardar going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme
...
================================================================
Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth.........WHY?
Because
his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light".
Sardar and his family went for a party. He introduces himself - I'm
sardar,she sardarnee, the boy my kid & the girl my kidney....
One sardarji Professor asked a plumber to come to his college. U know
why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th
floor.
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25th floor: I'm unmarried! At 10th floor: I'm Banta not Santa
On a romantic date Sardar's girl friend asks him "Darling on our
engangement will you give me a ring?
He said "Ya, sure what's your phone number?
A street dog was chasing sardar and the Sardar was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Sardar: I have an Aitel phone but still Hutch network is
following
me.
Teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket
match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji. He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO
MATCH!"
Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet.
Sardar:- why did u come so far? Instead u could have posted it....
What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
Sardar proposed a girl......Girl said: 'I'm 1 yr elder to you'.
Sardar said: 'Oye, no problem Soniye, I'll marry you next year
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. Man says "Chin Yu Yan" and dies. Sardar goes to China to find meaning of friends last words. It is "you're standing on the oxygen tube!!"
A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he
always started reading from the middle. A friend of his asked why he did so?
"It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar. "to start from the middle keeps
Sardar : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Sardar : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.
================================================================
Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have
came again..
================================================================
Sardar complained 2 Police: Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Sardar : I was watching TV na....
================================================================
Thought for the Day!!!
If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger sis and elder sis?
Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM
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Tihar Jail ordered 999 Shirts and 1000 Pants for its inmates.
Tell why this odd combination?
Answer : Bcos SALMAN KHAN is coming and He hardly wear SHIRTs!!!
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Do you know the similarity between "Dinasaurs" & "Decent Girls"
Answer: Both dont exist on earth !!!
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When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!
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Whats the height of Intelligence?
Answer : A 99 year old Sardar going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme
...
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Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth.........WHY?
Because
his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light".
Sardar and his family went for a party. He introduces himself - I'm
sardar,she sardarnee, the boy my kid & the girl my kidney....
One sardarji Professor asked a plumber to come to his college. U know
why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th
floor.
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25th floor: I'm unmarried! At 10th floor: I'm Banta not Santa
On a romantic date Sardar's girl friend asks him "Darling on our
engangement will you give me a ring?
He said "Ya, sure what's your phone number?
A street dog was chasing sardar and the Sardar was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Sardar: I have an Aitel phone but still Hutch network is
following
me.
Teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket
match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji. He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO
MATCH!"
Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet.
Sardar:- why did u come so far? Instead u could have posted it....
What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
Sardar proposed a girl......Girl said: 'I'm 1 yr elder to you'.
Sardar said: 'Oye, no problem Soniye, I'll marry you next year
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. Man says "Chin Yu Yan" and dies. Sardar goes to China to find meaning of friends last words. It is "you're standing on the oxygen tube!!"
A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he
always started reading from the middle. A friend of his asked why he did so?
"It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar. "to start from the middle keeps
look inside
We all have three eyes. Two for looking out and one for looking in. Why
would we want to look in when everything is happening 'out there'? Because
the treasure we seek is inside, not outside. What is treasure? Beauty,
truth, peace, happiness. You already have what you seek. You already are
stunningly beautiful. You are already peaceful and loving. How come you
don't know this? Simple, you never look inwards, beyond superficial memories
or recent experiences, so you never see your own riches. Take a moment to
stop, look in and see. Don't rush. Don't search. Just look. And be aware.
(Give peace to your love inside, u'll be great till
end..*!*.)
would we want to look in when everything is happening 'out there'? Because
the treasure we seek is inside, not outside. What is treasure? Beauty,
truth, peace, happiness. You already have what you seek. You already are
stunningly beautiful. You are already peaceful and loving. How come you
don't know this? Simple, you never look inwards, beyond superficial memories
or recent experiences, so you never see your own riches. Take a moment to
stop, look in and see. Don't rush. Don't search. Just look. And be aware.
(Give peace to your love inside, u'll be great till
end..*!*.)
Dog's life
A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth.
He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please? The dog has money in its mouth, as well."
The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog.
So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. The dog then shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor. The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop.
It opens the big Iron Gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy.
"What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me! "To which the guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."
Moral of the story.....
You may continue to exceed onlookers expectations but shall always fall short of the boss' expectations.
It's a dog's life after all.....
He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please? The dog has money in its mouth, as well."
The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog.
So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. The dog then shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor. The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop.
It opens the big Iron Gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy.
"What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me! "To which the guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."
Moral of the story.....
You may continue to exceed onlookers expectations but shall always fall short of the boss' expectations.
It's a dog's life after all.....
Decision Making
10 Steps To Better Decision Making
Considering The Possibilities
1. Making a difficult choice can seem harrowing when you feel you're working alone. Involve others in your decision making by asking for criticism and seeking advice from those who can approach the choice from a fresh perspective. Listen to opinions that fall on both sides of the topic at hand. You may also want to consult an expert.
2. Learn from your mistakes as well as your triumphs. Examine decisions you have made in the past as they will teach you more than you will learn from most other sources. Though some decisions will not seem important, all decisions shape our lives and should be regarded as educational. Apply that knowledge to your current dilemma.
3. A good decision acted upon in a timely matter is always better than a great one acted upon too late. It is important to recognize that you will never know enough to make the perfect decision. Don't become paralyzed by your need to foresee all possible outcomes to every possible choice.
4. Involve your head and your heart. Ask both practical questions and personal questions about the problem at hand. Considering the facts as well as your feelings (and the feelings of others) when examining your options will ensure that you make a balanced decision.
5. Before anything else, focus on the most basic, necessary results. Often, a decision maker will get bogged down thinking about the non-essential elements of a decision. Avoid considering extraneous factors and far-fetched perfect outcomes. Ask yourself, "What needs to be done?"
6. Consider the entire range of possibilities, no matter how unlikely. When faced with a complex decision, brainstorm by yourself or with others to find as many of the vital elements as possible. Evaluate those elements as they relate to the choice you must make.
7. It was a wise person who noted that, "you can't please all of the people all of the time." Almost all decisions will involve some dissatisfaction or conflict. Some decisions may even create new problems. Once you have made a decision, stand by it. Keep in mind that you have used your best judgment and it was the best choice at the time.
8. Don't waste time on poor choices. Reject poor choices, even if you've begun to implement them, and stop doing the things that aren't working, so you can focus on the solutions that have strong potential.
9. Consult with the people who will be directly affected by your decision. People appreciate being heard and enjoy when their opinions are seen as valuable. Even making a simple choice can have a profound impact on those around you.
10. It is easy to dismiss your intuition, but in doing so, you may be disregarding valuable insight and even solutions. Ask yourself what choices you would make if you weren't afraid and then see what your subconscious offers as an answer. Try to ignore the fear of error when consulting your "gut."
Considering The Possibilities
1. Making a difficult choice can seem harrowing when you feel you're working alone. Involve others in your decision making by asking for criticism and seeking advice from those who can approach the choice from a fresh perspective. Listen to opinions that fall on both sides of the topic at hand. You may also want to consult an expert.
2. Learn from your mistakes as well as your triumphs. Examine decisions you have made in the past as they will teach you more than you will learn from most other sources. Though some decisions will not seem important, all decisions shape our lives and should be regarded as educational. Apply that knowledge to your current dilemma.
3. A good decision acted upon in a timely matter is always better than a great one acted upon too late. It is important to recognize that you will never know enough to make the perfect decision. Don't become paralyzed by your need to foresee all possible outcomes to every possible choice.
4. Involve your head and your heart. Ask both practical questions and personal questions about the problem at hand. Considering the facts as well as your feelings (and the feelings of others) when examining your options will ensure that you make a balanced decision.
5. Before anything else, focus on the most basic, necessary results. Often, a decision maker will get bogged down thinking about the non-essential elements of a decision. Avoid considering extraneous factors and far-fetched perfect outcomes. Ask yourself, "What needs to be done?"
6. Consider the entire range of possibilities, no matter how unlikely. When faced with a complex decision, brainstorm by yourself or with others to find as many of the vital elements as possible. Evaluate those elements as they relate to the choice you must make.
7. It was a wise person who noted that, "you can't please all of the people all of the time." Almost all decisions will involve some dissatisfaction or conflict. Some decisions may even create new problems. Once you have made a decision, stand by it. Keep in mind that you have used your best judgment and it was the best choice at the time.
8. Don't waste time on poor choices. Reject poor choices, even if you've begun to implement them, and stop doing the things that aren't working, so you can focus on the solutions that have strong potential.
9. Consult with the people who will be directly affected by your decision. People appreciate being heard and enjoy when their opinions are seen as valuable. Even making a simple choice can have a profound impact on those around you.
10. It is easy to dismiss your intuition, but in doing so, you may be disregarding valuable insight and even solutions. Ask yourself what choices you would make if you weren't afraid and then see what your subconscious offers as an answer. Try to ignore the fear of error when consulting your "gut."
spirituality in the workplace
7 ways to spirituality in the workplace
You are a spiritual being, even at work! Use your intuitive awareness and natural empathy and kindness in the workplace and you will be amazed by the way that others respond. Show them that their contribution is important...
Spirituality is not something we should practice only when it suits us according to time and place.It should be cherished and cultivated wherever we go. And since we spend most of our time in the workplace, it is imperative that we take our spiritual values with us even where we work. These values are creativity, communication, respect, vision, partnership, energy and flexibility. All these seven are related, and all are important.
By spirituality, we mean expressing more humanity; it has no religious component or preference. This interpretation is important since each person has their own beliefs, which should be respected.
1. Be creative
Creativity includes the use of color, laughter and freedom to enhance productivity. Creativity is fun. When people enjoy what they do, they work much harder.
Creativity includes conscious efforts to see things differently, to break out of habits and outdated beliefs to find new ways of thinking, doing and being.
Suppression of creativity leads to violence - people are naturally creative. When they are forced to crush their creativity, its energy force turns to destructive release - their inherent humanity must express itself!
2. Communicate
Communication, communication, communication! This is the vehicle that allows people to work together. In our society, our learning process is based on learning to communicate with teachers and parents.
So when we come to the real world, this social conditioning leads us to resort to subterfuge - trying to figure out how to beat the system,gain extra favours, say the “popular” thing or to keep our views to ourselves rather than “rock the boat.”
We should change this mindset and express what we feel about without fear and let others know where we stand. It doesn’t matter your views should match your superiors. Your peers will respect you as a man with principles.
3. Respect your colleagues
Respect of self and of others includes: respect for the environment; other people’s personal privacy, their physical space and belongings; different viewpoints, philosophies, religion, gender, lifestyle, ethnic origin, physical ability, beliefs and personality.
When we learn to respect our peers, we accept their differences. We can learn to use those differences for our mutual benefit. For example, the person who can sit all day in front of a computer and be productive can help the person who works best by talking and moving around. Both functions are important. Rather than criticising the other for being different, we can learn how different people see the world. Lack of respect and acceptance lead to conflict and hostility.
4. Have a vision
Vision means seeing beyond the obvious - seeing the unseen. It is a trait used to describe leaders and entrepreneurs. Where does vision come from? For some people, it is an inborn trait. They have always seen things that others cannot see. And, having seen the vision, they head straight for it ! They follow their vision in spite of obstacles or non-believers.
5. Learn to be a partner
Partnership encompasses individual responsibility and trust that other people will perform according to their commitments for the good of the team and partners. Partnership accepts that different people have different viewpoints and beliefs; those differences are used as positive aspects for broadening the team experience.
Partnership encourages the female and male aspects of ourselves to work together, without either one over-ruling or dominating the other. Lack of partnership leads to isolation and unhealthy competition.
6. Be energetic
Very positive energy forces are released when people feel creative, have the freedom to express their opinions, and feel respect from their management and their peers. The opposite energy force creates hostile workplace situations.
Your contribution to the collective positive energy is using your own creativity, communicating well, having respect for others, adapting to changing situations, working well with others and enjoying what you do. Your contribution to the collective negative energy is withholding your talents, communicating without respect, fighting and arguing with others, resisting changes, creating tension with others and hating what you do.
7.Be flexible
Flexibility includes the ability to adapt to changing situations and allowing one’s own beliefs and habits to change as needed. Learning to see trends and prepare for them is one way of learning flexibility. Another is to learn about ourselves, our own strengths and our weaknesses.
Then, work to operate from our strength, allowing others to help us with our weaknesses.
BUILDING SPIRITUALITY IN THE WORKPLACE
Verbally recognize the value of individuals in all you do
• Get to know the people with whom you work and know what is important to them
• State your personal ethics and your beliefs clearly
• Support causes outside the business
• Encourage leaders to use value-based discretion in making decisions
• Demonstrate your own self-knowledge and spirituality in all your actions
• Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
You are a spiritual being, even at work! Use your intuitive awareness and natural empathy and kindness in the workplace and you will be amazed by the way that others respond. Show them that their contribution is important...
Spirituality is not something we should practice only when it suits us according to time and place.It should be cherished and cultivated wherever we go. And since we spend most of our time in the workplace, it is imperative that we take our spiritual values with us even where we work. These values are creativity, communication, respect, vision, partnership, energy and flexibility. All these seven are related, and all are important.
By spirituality, we mean expressing more humanity; it has no religious component or preference. This interpretation is important since each person has their own beliefs, which should be respected.
1. Be creative
Creativity includes the use of color, laughter and freedom to enhance productivity. Creativity is fun. When people enjoy what they do, they work much harder.
Creativity includes conscious efforts to see things differently, to break out of habits and outdated beliefs to find new ways of thinking, doing and being.
Suppression of creativity leads to violence - people are naturally creative. When they are forced to crush their creativity, its energy force turns to destructive release - their inherent humanity must express itself!
2. Communicate
Communication, communication, communication! This is the vehicle that allows people to work together. In our society, our learning process is based on learning to communicate with teachers and parents.
So when we come to the real world, this social conditioning leads us to resort to subterfuge - trying to figure out how to beat the system,gain extra favours, say the “popular” thing or to keep our views to ourselves rather than “rock the boat.”
We should change this mindset and express what we feel about without fear and let others know where we stand. It doesn’t matter your views should match your superiors. Your peers will respect you as a man with principles.
3. Respect your colleagues
Respect of self and of others includes: respect for the environment; other people’s personal privacy, their physical space and belongings; different viewpoints, philosophies, religion, gender, lifestyle, ethnic origin, physical ability, beliefs and personality.
When we learn to respect our peers, we accept their differences. We can learn to use those differences for our mutual benefit. For example, the person who can sit all day in front of a computer and be productive can help the person who works best by talking and moving around. Both functions are important. Rather than criticising the other for being different, we can learn how different people see the world. Lack of respect and acceptance lead to conflict and hostility.
4. Have a vision
Vision means seeing beyond the obvious - seeing the unseen. It is a trait used to describe leaders and entrepreneurs. Where does vision come from? For some people, it is an inborn trait. They have always seen things that others cannot see. And, having seen the vision, they head straight for it ! They follow their vision in spite of obstacles or non-believers.
5. Learn to be a partner
Partnership encompasses individual responsibility and trust that other people will perform according to their commitments for the good of the team and partners. Partnership accepts that different people have different viewpoints and beliefs; those differences are used as positive aspects for broadening the team experience.
Partnership encourages the female and male aspects of ourselves to work together, without either one over-ruling or dominating the other. Lack of partnership leads to isolation and unhealthy competition.
6. Be energetic
Very positive energy forces are released when people feel creative, have the freedom to express their opinions, and feel respect from their management and their peers. The opposite energy force creates hostile workplace situations.
Your contribution to the collective positive energy is using your own creativity, communicating well, having respect for others, adapting to changing situations, working well with others and enjoying what you do. Your contribution to the collective negative energy is withholding your talents, communicating without respect, fighting and arguing with others, resisting changes, creating tension with others and hating what you do.
7.Be flexible
Flexibility includes the ability to adapt to changing situations and allowing one’s own beliefs and habits to change as needed. Learning to see trends and prepare for them is one way of learning flexibility. Another is to learn about ourselves, our own strengths and our weaknesses.
Then, work to operate from our strength, allowing others to help us with our weaknesses.
BUILDING SPIRITUALITY IN THE WORKPLACE
Verbally recognize the value of individuals in all you do
• Get to know the people with whom you work and know what is important to them
• State your personal ethics and your beliefs clearly
• Support causes outside the business
• Encourage leaders to use value-based discretion in making decisions
• Demonstrate your own self-knowledge and spirituality in all your actions
• Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
A woman without her man is nothing
An English professor wrote the words: "A woman without her man is nothing" on the board and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
SEAT BELT PRIZE
(4 people in car, 2 in the front, one asleep in the back, one curled up in the trunk. Cop comes up behind with siren. They pull over. Cop walks to drivers window.)
DRIVER: What seems to be the problem, officer?
COP: No problem! I just wanted to tell you that you are the one hundredth person Ive seen wearing a seat belt today, which means you have won $5,000 in the statewide safety competition!
DRIVER: Thats great! What a surprise!
COP: So, buddy, what are you going to do with your winnings?
DRIVER: Well, first Ill get my drivers license and then Ill pay off all those warrants.
RIDER: Ah, dont believe him! He always talks big when hes drunk!
SLEEPER (waking up): Whoa! A cop. Darn it all! I knew we wouldnt get far in a stolen car.
GUY IN TRUNK: Hey! Amigos! Have we crossed the border yet?
All of the males in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
SEAT BELT PRIZE
(4 people in car, 2 in the front, one asleep in the back, one curled up in the trunk. Cop comes up behind with siren. They pull over. Cop walks to drivers window.)
DRIVER: What seems to be the problem, officer?
COP: No problem! I just wanted to tell you that you are the one hundredth person Ive seen wearing a seat belt today, which means you have won $5,000 in the statewide safety competition!
DRIVER: Thats great! What a surprise!
COP: So, buddy, what are you going to do with your winnings?
DRIVER: Well, first Ill get my drivers license and then Ill pay off all those warrants.
RIDER: Ah, dont believe him! He always talks big when hes drunk!
SLEEPER (waking up): Whoa! A cop. Darn it all! I knew we wouldnt get far in a stolen car.
GUY IN TRUNK: Hey! Amigos! Have we crossed the border yet?
quotes
1. As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I
can't remember the other two... -- Sir Norman Wisdom
2. One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that
even a bargain costs money. -- Edgar Watson Howe
3. A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your
success! -- Doug Larson
4. A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie! -- Eric Bolton
5. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized
that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive
me. -- Erno Philips
6. I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. -- Robert Paul
7. We spend the first twelve months of our children's liv! es teaching them to
walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. -- Phyllis Diller
8. Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -- Victor Borge
9. Start every day with a smile and get it over with. -- W.C. Fields
10. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. -- Will Rogers
11. Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out,
you haven't wasted a whole day. -- Mickey Rooney
12. Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not
have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the
same choice we've always had: work or prison. -- Tim Allen
13. If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry
you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner
14. I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. -- Woody Allen
15. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we
didn't. -- Erica Jong
16. Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive. -- Elbert Hubbard
17. Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. -- Wendell Johnson
18. In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found
out. -- Joey Adams
19. I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds
out, she'll kill me. -- Henry Youngman
20. Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already
born ? -- Benny Hill
can't remember the other two... -- Sir Norman Wisdom
2. One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that
even a bargain costs money. -- Edgar Watson Howe
3. A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your
success! -- Doug Larson
4. A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie! -- Eric Bolton
5. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized
that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive
me. -- Erno Philips
6. I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. -- Robert Paul
7. We spend the first twelve months of our children's liv! es teaching them to
walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. -- Phyllis Diller
8. Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -- Victor Borge
9. Start every day with a smile and get it over with. -- W.C. Fields
10. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. -- Will Rogers
11. Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out,
you haven't wasted a whole day. -- Mickey Rooney
12. Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not
have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the
same choice we've always had: work or prison. -- Tim Allen
13. If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry
you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner
14. I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. -- Woody Allen
15. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we
didn't. -- Erica Jong
16. Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive. -- Elbert Hubbard
17. Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. -- Wendell Johnson
18. In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found
out. -- Joey Adams
19. I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds
out, she'll kill me. -- Henry Youngman
20. Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already
born ? -- Benny Hill
Girl's reply when you propose her
Here are the top most reply of a girl, when you propose her...
1) Nahi.................???
2) Chiiiii.....Kitne gande soch hai tumhare.......
3) Maine tumhe sirf ek acche dost ki nazar se dekha hai ....
4) Mera pehle se ek boyfrnd hai....
5 ) Main in baton pe vishwas nahi karti, apne padhai pe dhyaan lagao...
6) tum abhi tak mujhe jaante kahan ho ?Yeh shayad infatuation hai....
7) Tumhara bank balance kitna hai…??
8) Magar last year to maine tumhe raakhi baandhi thi ..hai naa..bhaiyya..??
9) Mein abhi is relation ke liye mentally prepared nahi hoo....
10) Mein apne dady se pooch ke tumhe kaal answer karu…??
11) Itni si baat kehne ke liye itni der lagaa di??
12) Ye donon ke dil me hai na, to phir kya kehna!!
13) Sorry
14) "……Apna chehra kabhi aayine me dekha hai….. L……………………………"
15) "Main toh tumhe apna Bhai maanati hu"
16) "Yes .. I too like you … (but hope you don't cheat on me ) " … (Which girls most oftenly do)
17) Phele kyon nahi bataya ab tum late ho gaye ..
18) Tum agar pehle mile hote to sochti.
19) Tumhari himmat kaise hui mere baare mein aisa sochne ki… (probably followed by a slap)
20) Girl: mujhe sochna ka wakt do…
Guy: kitna wakt???(with hope)
Girl: saat janam
21) Mai ek shaadi shuda ladki hu ;-)
22) Mein tumhare chotte bhai se pyaar karti hoon…
23) Now that's a real tragedy….
Girl: Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……
Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……
24) Boy: I love U!
Gal: I don't think abt all this before marriage.
25) Keep loving I don't care.
26) Tum mere liye kya kar sakte ho…
27) Kaun sa number hai mera tumhare proposals ki history mein.
Ha ha ha ha….
28) tumhe is nazar se kabhi dekha nahi
29) tumhare barre mein kabhi aisa socha nahi
30) mummy se pooch kar bataungi
31) mere bhaiyya se baat kar lo , who hi tumhe samajhayenge
32) Knyo, Tina ne "No" bola?
33) Lekin tum to Mina ke piche pade the, Kya usne thappad mara?
34) Kitne time ke liye -???
35) Worst one-- Jo bhi bolna hai jaldi bolo mera beta school se aata hoga..
36) Thanks. I love you, too.
37) Boy :- Sonya, I love U…..
Gal :- Sorry , Next 3 Months tak Waiting List chal rahi hai….
38) "What?"
39) "Let's just stay away from this"
40)
41)
42)' ' friend='""' ?s='""'>
44) My friend in college got one classic reply … "I THINK I'M ENGAGED"
45) "I think, I will have better options in future ..."
Mujhe tumse is baare mein koi baat nahi karni, then she starts ignoring, phir bhi nahi
sudhare then she threatens via some common friends.
46) My Boy friend is very short Tempered. Beware of it.
47) like you as a friend but I never thought about us like this…cant we be just good friends for ever
47) Actually my younger sis likes you a lot. ..
48) My mummy does not like your family (if the family knows each other.) ..
49) "Why me?..Tumne mere meih essa kya dekha?..."she wants you to list down all the Good qualities that you even might have not seen in her. ...
50) SLAP !! ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS....it is said ..
51)hehe I didnt expect that from you....
52)nice joke ...
53)tu ladke kuchh or nahi soch sakte jaha ladki dekhi fisl gaye.....
54)achha tum bhi meine socha sirf harsh,nikhil,ravi, etc etc ko hi mujhme interest hai
and then walks on.............
55)tumhe to purpose karna bhi nahi aata paheli bari hai kya koyi baat nahi mein batati hun...
1) Nahi.................???
2) Chiiiii.....Kitne gande soch hai tumhare.......
3) Maine tumhe sirf ek acche dost ki nazar se dekha hai ....
4) Mera pehle se ek boyfrnd hai....
5 ) Main in baton pe vishwas nahi karti, apne padhai pe dhyaan lagao...
6) tum abhi tak mujhe jaante kahan ho ?Yeh shayad infatuation hai....
7) Tumhara bank balance kitna hai…??
8) Magar last year to maine tumhe raakhi baandhi thi ..hai naa..bhaiyya..??
9) Mein abhi is relation ke liye mentally prepared nahi hoo....
10) Mein apne dady se pooch ke tumhe kaal answer karu…??
11) Itni si baat kehne ke liye itni der lagaa di??
12) Ye donon ke dil me hai na, to phir kya kehna!!
13) Sorry
14) "……Apna chehra kabhi aayine me dekha hai….. L……………………………"
15) "Main toh tumhe apna Bhai maanati hu"
16) "Yes .. I too like you … (but hope you don't cheat on me ) " … (Which girls most oftenly do)
17) Phele kyon nahi bataya ab tum late ho gaye ..
18) Tum agar pehle mile hote to sochti.
19) Tumhari himmat kaise hui mere baare mein aisa sochne ki… (probably followed by a slap)
20) Girl: mujhe sochna ka wakt do…
Guy: kitna wakt???(with hope)
Girl: saat janam
21) Mai ek shaadi shuda ladki hu ;-)
22) Mein tumhare chotte bhai se pyaar karti hoon…
23) Now that's a real tragedy….
Girl: Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……
Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……
24) Boy: I love U!
Gal: I don't think abt all this before marriage.
25) Keep loving I don't care.
26) Tum mere liye kya kar sakte ho…
27) Kaun sa number hai mera tumhare proposals ki history mein.
Ha ha ha ha….
28) tumhe is nazar se kabhi dekha nahi
29) tumhare barre mein kabhi aisa socha nahi
30) mummy se pooch kar bataungi
31) mere bhaiyya se baat kar lo , who hi tumhe samajhayenge
32) Knyo, Tina ne "No" bola?
33) Lekin tum to Mina ke piche pade the, Kya usne thappad mara?
34) Kitne time ke liye -???
35) Worst one-- Jo bhi bolna hai jaldi bolo mera beta school se aata hoga..
36) Thanks. I love you, too.
37) Boy :- Sonya, I love U…..
Gal :- Sorry , Next 3 Months tak Waiting List chal rahi hai….
38) "What?"
39) "Let's just stay away from this"
40)
41)
42)' ' friend='""' ?s='""'>
44) My friend in college got one classic reply … "I THINK I'M ENGAGED"
45) "I think, I will have better options in future ..."
Mujhe tumse is baare mein koi baat nahi karni, then she starts ignoring, phir bhi nahi
sudhare then she threatens via some common friends.
46) My Boy friend is very short Tempered. Beware of it.
47) like you as a friend but I never thought about us like this…cant we be just good friends for ever
47) Actually my younger sis likes you a lot. ..
48) My mummy does not like your family (if the family knows each other.) ..
49) "Why me?..Tumne mere meih essa kya dekha?..."she wants you to list down all the Good qualities that you even might have not seen in her. ...
50) SLAP !! ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS....it is said ..
51)hehe I didnt expect that from you....
52)nice joke ...
53)tu ladke kuchh or nahi soch sakte jaha ladki dekhi fisl gaye.....
54)achha tum bhi meine socha sirf harsh,nikhil,ravi, etc etc ko hi mujhme interest hai
and then walks on.............
55)tumhe to purpose karna bhi nahi aata paheli bari hai kya koyi baat nahi mein batati hun...
Definition of kiss
Prof .of Economics
Kiss is that thing for which the demand is aways higher than the supply.
Prof. of Accountancy
Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Algebra
Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry
Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.
Prof. of Physics
Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry
Kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology
Kiss is the interchange of salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology
Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularisoris muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry
Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Philosophy
Kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English
Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction, it is more common than proper, it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Architecture
Kiss is a process which builds a solid bond between the two dynamic objects
Prof. of Comp.Science
What is a kiss? It seems to be an undefined variable
Kiss is that thing for which the demand is aways higher than the supply.
Prof. of Accountancy
Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Algebra
Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry
Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.
Prof. of Physics
Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry
Kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology
Kiss is the interchange of salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology
Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularisoris muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry
Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Philosophy
Kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English
Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction, it is more common than proper, it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Architecture
Kiss is a process which builds a solid bond between the two dynamic objects
Prof. of Comp.Science
What is a kiss? It seems to be an undefined variable
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