An English professor wrote the words: "A woman without her man is nothing" on the board and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
SEAT BELT PRIZE
(4 people in car, 2 in the front, one asleep in the back, one curled up in the trunk. Cop comes up behind with siren. They pull over. Cop walks to drivers window.)
DRIVER: What seems to be the problem, officer?
COP: No problem! I just wanted to tell you that you are the one hundredth person Ive seen wearing a seat belt today, which means you have won $5,000 in the statewide safety competition!
DRIVER: Thats great! What a surprise!
COP: So, buddy, what are you going to do with your winnings?
DRIVER: Well, first Ill get my drivers license and then Ill pay off all those warrants.
RIDER: Ah, dont believe him! He always talks big when hes drunk!
SLEEPER (waking up): Whoa! A cop. Darn it all! I knew we wouldnt get far in a stolen car.
GUY IN TRUNK: Hey! Amigos! Have we crossed the border yet?